Wednesday, September 18, 2013

searching still...

It's a typical Tuesday.  My girls are out the door at school.  I'm loaded up on caffeine heading to the gym for a quick workout.  Only on this glorious afternoon my stomach is in knots.  I've been fighting down the constant onslaught of nerves lately.  Things are good.  Everything's popping at once.  And it's the "at once" thing that is causing me some major anxiety. 

Because it's good I can't really talk about it because hello...who wants to hear someone complain about how great life is;)  But you know what??  Even when things are awesome you can still be in a lifestorm.  I literally feel blown around.  My hair is whipping around my head.  My balance is thrown off.  I'm afraid I'm gonna land hard on my rear lol!  It's a lot.  It's scary, and exhausting and something I've wanted for so long. 

Then the opportunity comes and the hope I've been holding onto starts to become a possibility and I don't want to choke.  It's like watching the Olympics knowing those athletes have trained and wanted this moment for years and in one swoop it's either a record breaking success or a giant agonizing defeat.  Yeah...that's what's going on inside my head.  No pressure at all;)

I've had the dream of getting my artwork made into prints for years.  I've tried before and it just never looked right.  The timing was off.  And now all of a the exact same time my Etsy shop is really taking off I get an offer to license my art.  I'm actually going to be a "professional" artist;)  Like for REAL people!  I'm soaring on the inside.  It's the thing I love doing the most, and whether it takes off or not it makes my heart want to explode at just the thought.

But in the midst of all that I'm training helpers and working on wholesale contracts and having lunch meetings with calendars and it's all completely out of my comfort zone!!  OH and did I mention I was asked to speak at a women's church event thing?  Seriously, I canNOT believe I said yes:/  What in the world was I thinking? 

Just the thought makes my heart start racing and my stomach churn.  That's NOT something I do.  It's just not.  I stay safe and comfortable behind my computer screen.  But I felt that nudge.  That little whisper that can do this.  And I knew I had to.  I had to be obedient and listen, because lately when I listen good things happen.  I'm doing a whole lot of things crazy afraid, completely unqualified, and yet He's right there holding my hand and leading/pulling me down the path. 

Honey came into the kitchen this morning after doing the elliptical machine.  He happened to catch Joel Olsteen.  If you've ever listened to him preach you know he's great at being an encourager.  And this morning he just happened to be talking about peace.  He talked about putting on the shoes of peace and never walking outside barefoot.  He talked about the ocean and how at the surface the wind whips the waves, but if you go deeper the water is completely still

That's what I want.  I don't want to be a constant ball of nerves.  I want more than anything to be resting in that deep place, sure of my future however it turns out.  Because I know even if it doesn't go down exactly how I've got it in my mind it's still gonna be good.  And I know that because He's my Abba father, my heavenly daddy, and He holds my future.  So I'm seeking out the eye, the quiet center, and I'm praying that despite the crazy wind and my constant struggle to get sucked out of peace that I'll find that calm place and fully rest in Him.

**All the pics are from our recent trip to Savannah, Georgia.  What a beautiful city!

Be a blessing.

a new hobby for little chick:)  speaking of doing it afraid...
an impossibly small cuff that actually fit sweet little nora.  He calls me beautiful!
an organized, amazing friend who keeps me on task...a master calendar 
realizing I have a group of people here...
old brick buildings
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