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Friday, March 29, 2013

you belong


Happy Good Friday friends.  I asked my girlies this morning what Good Friday was and they both just looked at me with blank stares on their faces!  Uh can you say giant fail feeling as a parent this morning:\  I even helped them along...Sunday is Easter right?  Jesus rose from the grave right??  What would have happened on FRIDAY??!!  Again blank stares...oh and then the lights came on and little chick figured it out.  Jesus died!  YES!!!!!!  He diedThat's major. 

How do I even begin to type how major that was??!  IS!!!  He died.  He took my place, my shame, my sin.  He took it all on himself, so I wouldn't have to bear it.  He died for me.  ME!  And you!!!  And it didn't stop there...He conquered death!!  PRAISE GOD!

I am so humbled by His love.  So humbled by the a parent I love my girls more than anything.  The thought of any pain or suffering coming to them makes me cringe.  I want to scoop them up and protect them from it all.  Yet God allowed His SON to take our human wrongs and make them right.  Oh dear Jesus...I'm so unworthy.  Just the thought brings me to my knees. 


That unworthy feeling is what I think keeps some away.  How can I be good enough?  How could He possibly forgive all that I've done??  I'm nothing.  And if I do ask Him in...ask Him to forgive...will my life change?  Will I really be different?  Can I have a relationship with someone I can't see?  It all seems so hard to believe.  Too far out there to be real.  I'll be trespassing where I don't belong.  I could never fit in with all that faith stuff.

But it is real.  If you are on the fence...if you are cold in your heart and you feel far from Him, I promise if you open His word, if you reach out to Him...He is RIGHT THERE.  He is waiting for you.  He loves you SO much.  He knows your past.  He knows your hurts.  He knows every single thing you hold dear and He wants to scoop you up and carry you.

He loves you.  He died for you.  Ask Him to live in your heart.  To take all that garbage away.  He will.  Draw near...let Him carry you.

Romans 10:9-10 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.  

Be a blessing.
Easter weekend
a road trip looming large
spring break
a love TOO big to comprehend
old chippy white paint
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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

goals, dreams and fiction

I have a feeling this post is going to be random.  That's okay right?  Random is good.  I'm just throwing it all out there.  Every.single.thought in my head;)

If you've been following along on Instagram (my IG name is farmgirlpaints) you know I've been challenging myself a bit this month.  One of my hashtags is #50milesinmarch.  I saw it from another IG friend and it just struck a chord.  Not sure if you're like this or not, but I HAVE to have a goal or I do nothing.  I have to have a list.  Something...anything to get my body moving.

So this month I tied up my shoes and I kept track of my miles.  It was more or less just a number to countdown to.  It was just the little motivator that kept me moving.  It wasn't too lofty.  It actually was obtainable, and it challenged me enough that I had to keep on it or I would fall behind.  Heaven forbid;)

I had someone point out to me that just doing countless miles of cardio was really pointless and didn't do much good.  And I agree to a point.  I have enough fitness knowledge to know that intensity is key and lifting weights and watching my nutrition is really where the results will show up, but I wasn't trying to be perfect.  WHO NEEDS PERFECT!!  I was trying to just move.  And having a mile goal moved me.  So that's what I did.  I'm 8 miles away.  That's so doable!  I'm already thinking on next month.  Ready to tackle another game??!!

I've been enjoying my time off from the shop.  One of the things I daydream about when I'm really really busy is just laying down with a good book and reading...alldaylong!  So that's what I did last week.  I've been reading one of Big Chick's books.  The Homelanders series by Andrew Klavan...SO GOOD! 

Why do I enjoy reading young adult fiction so much??  I'm starting to question my intelligence level.  Am I only able to comprehend junior high/high school fiction??  HA!  Regardless I'm happy understanding every word.  I'm happy to steal away for hours on end and lose myself in the fast pace adventure.  It's so fun to get caught up in someone else's life for a bit. 

So last week I got my hair done, and my lady highlighted it and then because I think I scared her into thinking I didn't want it too blond...she toned it down without asking me:\  This generally isn't a good plan for me.  I don't like surprises.  I go in for highlights, I want highlights...but it's growing on me.  I'm dark.  Haven't been dark in a while.  No pictures until I decide if I like it...k??

Oh wait this IS an after picture.  It doesn't look too dark.  Maybe I'm just a nut.  Regardless the girls had a make-over day too.  Little chick cut off several inches and at the last second decided on BANGS!  She's adjusted well;)  My other girlie wanted to go dark like her momma, so we low-lighted her.  It's so fun having girls to do this stuff with. 

Okay so my last random thought is in regards to the lottery powerball winner.  Have you heard about that?  Someone recently won 300+ million dollars and can get a lump sum amount of 221 million.  Can you even imagine??  I have no idea why I do this, but when I hear of lottery winners I immediately start spending their money.  So while I was at the gym the other day, doing my 50 miles, I was spending millions of dollars in my head;)  It's a fun way to pass the sweaty miles. 

I was giving money to family members and friends.  I was setting aside trust funds for the girls, and starting foundations.  I was buying our dream property on a perfect spot in upcountry...MAUI!!  It was grand.  There is just something about dreaming that is exciting.  Something about an impossible possibility that fuels this little creative trigger.  I love being carried away like that.  What would you do if you won the lottery?  What would you do if you could do ANYTHING for anyone and money was no object??  Let's dream a little:)

***Oh and thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing a little bit about yourselves with me:)  I've loved reading through your letters.  Soooo nice to meet YOU!

Be a blessing.

legs that carry me
friends that cheerlead
dreams that exhilarate
books that take me away
girls to do girlie stuff with
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Friday, March 22, 2013

darting God

It's one of those glorious mornings.  My world is chill.  The air is frosty and cool.  The sun is streaming into my office.  The house is quiet except for the whirl of the dishwasher.  The kitchen is sparkly clean.  All is well.

I was laying in bed last night talking to my honey about prayer requests.  Every single person that I can think of has a specific prayer request.  I seriously can't pull up one family member that I know of that I doesn't have something specific to pray for in regards to either their health, finances, job search, faith, marriage etc...  The list is never ending.  That's life.  There is always something that we need.  Something that we are waiting for.  Something...

I probably say or write 10 times a day or more...praying!  And I do.  With every hit of the enter button, with every text I send, I shoot another "message" prayer up to my Heavenly daddy and I wonder if that is enough.  Did I make my request known enough?  Was that little 10 second prayer too pathetic...too small and insignificant to really make a difference??  It feels lame, but who has time to get lengthy.  And quite honestly I don't know what else to say except God please help __________!  They need you.  And God please provide ________ or heal ___________ or work out ___________.  I know I repeat myself.  I know it seems rote and impersonal, but I don't know what else to say. 

I'm thinking He hears me.  I'm thinking it matters even when I don't feel it.  I have peace when I shoot those "arrow prayers" to Him even if it's only for a split second.

So speaking of praying.  My heart has been a little heavy for my momma.  She's still very much in that grieving stage over the loss of her mom.  I can hear it in her voice when I call...the mock cheerfulness. The tiny break in her voice, and effort to keep from weeping.  It's so incredibly hard to lose someone.  My heart hurts for her, because I know one day that will be me.  And it scares the you know what out of me:/  I hate goodbyes, but ones that last this lifetime...uh so not looking forward to that.

When she came recently she brought pictures of Grandma and Grandpa and the life they had.  I wish I knew them better.  Wish I could have seen them young and in love. 

Several years ago we bought our first video camera.  Immediately I had this burning desire to capture my people.  I was on a mission to get interviews with our grandparents and parents.  I'm so grateful we have these to look back on.  That we can hear their voices.  That we can walk down memory lane one more time.  If you haven't done this you really should.  It's a priceless thing to have.

So that leads me to some questions for you;)  I've been blogging a really long time.  Readers have come and gone.  I've developed some real true friendships from this platform.  It's been life changing.  I wouldn't wipe this blogging season out for anything.  I used to spend a lot more time getting to know who was reading.  I had the time.  It came naturally.  Now it seems that I do most of the talking.  So if you want to share I'd love to know more about YOU.  Where do you live?  Why do you you blog?  Do you have a prayer request?  Tell me more...  I want to hear YOUR voice;)

Be a blessing.

worn old photographs
love that lasts a lifetime
arrow prayers...that He hears them
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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

in the zone

I knew this week was open.  I was going to have time to paint...yayayayay!!!!  You never know though if the inspiration will come.  Sometimes it's there.  It can be felt like the excitement of Christmas morning.  I can only describe it as magic.  For me I actually tingle a little bit;)  It's being in the zone.

We all experience it.  Maybe you feel it after you've made a beautiful meal and placed it before your family.  The table is set.  The candles are lit.  Maybe you went that extra mile and bought flowers.  Regardless of the amount of effort, you get that feeling of satisfaction.  You feel giddy with the space you've created.  The ingredients came together to form that delicious, eyes roll to the back of your head, goodness.

Maybe for others it's a clean house.  The floors are swept.  The bathrooms are sparkling.  The air smells fresh.  Or maybe it's after a hard run.  Your body is alive with endorphins. You feel spent.  Sweat and effort mingle and your body is rewarded with that perfect mix of exhaustion and exhilaration. 

Without a doubt that feeling can come for me when I sit down at my painting desk.  The brushes are in hand.  The paint is swirled...the first strokes begin the vision.  It's when an idea is formed and it's carried out to completion.

It's when I make something that I love and I don't even care if other people think it's good or not.  I know that I know that I love it.  And that is enough. 

I wish I could live in the zone.  I wish I could say that every time I sat down to paint or create that feeling came.  It doesn't.  Sometimes I start and it's just not there.  The painting looks horrendous.  The process is drudgery.  The end result is less than...  I feel insecure about showing it to anyone.  The zone didn't happen.  The grace just wasn't there. 

I know that living in a heightened stage of creativity is probably impossible, but I want to at least try to create something...anything daily.  What if there was no pressure to make a "masterpiece"??  What if it became more about fun and using my gifts?  What if I just let God lead my eye, take my hand?  Surely the magic would follow.  Surely the Master could use me to create a masterpiece...His masterpiece.  I believe that.  Whether it be a meal, a painting, or a workout etc...I want to be in His zone

**Hoping to make prints of my barn owl...and adding camera and luggage tags to my Etsy shop in May:)

Be a blessing.

birds chirping
buds blooming
sun streaming through my windows
a new spring shirt
a day with my sweet friends
a painting that made my heart pitter patter;)
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Sunday, March 17, 2013

small doses of letting go...

My lens lust has returned.  Remember this post??  Well since then I've bought a couple more.  I don't know what it is about a new lens.  Is it a promise of a better picture?  Is it a chance to be like the professionals?  Ha!  I don't think so.  They actually know what they are doing, but regardless I've indulged a little and my newest member is a 35mm.  I wanted to try a wide angle.  See how it could capture a space.  Open up a room a little.  So with my new "baby" on I took off shooting in a very dark house...and bedtime is what I captured.

I'm not sure when bedtime became a pain, but slowly as the girls have gotten older we kind of dread it.  I'm ashamed to say that.  It's really just the shift of their ages.  Little chick still begs for us to tuck her in.  We should want to right?  She's only going to ask for a little while longer and then poof it's gone.  Waaaaaaa! 

Big chick pushes the envelope every night and could stay up way past us if we let her.  I may be old fashioned, but I still think kids need a good night sleep.  I just do.  As far as the not wanting to tuck in, I think it boils down to selfishness.  At the end of the day we are tired!  TIRED and we just want to lay like broccoli and do nothing.

But regardless of how we feel most nights we go in and pray with our girls and tuck our little one in with all her stuffed animals...each in their assigned spots.  Wondering when that will change.

We form a little circle around her bed and if we are really tired and feeling extra lazy we'll just sing a prayer instead.  Jesus Jesus Lord to me...Master, Savior, Prince of Peace.  Ruler of my heart today.  Jesus Lord to me.  And then we go right into...Because He lives.  I can face tomorrow.  Because He lives all fear is gone.  And I know, I KNOW...He holds the future.  Life is worth the living just because HE lives!

As we leave her room she always ALWAYS yells out "good night...sleep good...have good you and the bugs bite...GOOD NIGHT!"  It's her thing.  It's our thing.  I can't imagine not hearing those words before I go to bed every night for the rest of my life.

Big chick's space.  I'm missing her hard right now.  She left on Friday for her first weekend church youth retreat.  We've been praying over this weekend for a long time.  Been praying for God to touch her life...give her some new sweet church friends.  Friends she can be herself with.  Laugh with. 

We've been really slow at getting to know our church peeps.  We sit in the back and run out the door as soon as church is over.  Trying to fix that.  Trying to figure out how to bond.  I can hardly wait to pick her up today.  To hear her talk non-stop. 

It was beyond surreal dropping her off.  I remember like yesterday when my mom dropped me off at the church, then picked me up and I talked and talked and talked about my mountain top experience.  And here I am...the mom.  The one who knows.  The one who's experienced it.  I didn't even make it to the car before the tears were streaming. 

It's a bittersweet mix...this letting go.  You want those experiences for them.  You want ALL THINGS GOOD and then on the inside you are dying a little bit because you know with every milestone they are slowly, gradually becoming their own person.  Spreading their wings.  Inching toward independence...getting ready to fly away;)  It's a good thing.  It's a hard thing. 

Oh and I couldn't leave out a sneak peek at our messy room.  I didn't even make the bed for you.  Now you've really seen our space;)  HA!  Nevermind the boxes...happy mail.  Lens mail;)  My momma blessing me mail.  Here's hoping you have a great week.  I'm anticipating some time to paint.  I feel a little giddy just thinking about it. 

I love you friends.  Thank you for coming here. 
For touching my life with your words. 
You really do mean a lot to me.

Be a blessing.
 my heart and soul...finding her way.
 third day, colton dixon and josh wilson.  the girls first concert.  AMAZING!

date night with sweet friends...laughing until it hurt.  jim gaffigan is the best!
an ig friend (suddenlysuze) who blessed us in a BIG way;)
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Thursday, March 14, 2013


I have a friend who's organized to the max.  She's a planner.  She's detailed.  When she had her own business she had a 20 page business plan.  This floored me...20 pages!!  I admire and respect this proficient, prepared side to her, but we couldn't be any more opposite

I have a business and seriously it kind of just fell into my lap.  I made a cuff for myself one day, (because I love words) and I thought it was a cool thing, and pretty soon I started making them for other people.  I had no plan.  I had no idea what I was doing.  There were no projections.  I only recently started ordering my supplies a business license.  I'm finding my way...stumbling through. 

I've always really looked at my Etsy store as a little hobby while I waited to pursue my real dream.  I am Farmgirl PAINTS right?  I should be painting something...ANYTHING!  But what if God has me right here, right now...stamping away for HIS purpose.  What if those "distraction" cuffs aren't about being sidetracked, but more about being right where He wants me.  Hammer in hand.  Inspirational words, reminders, floating all over the world as His witness.  Yikes...that really is cool:)

I'm not shelving my other dreams.  I would love to illustrate a children's book, make and sell prints, have a card line etc...  All of that makes my heart pitter patter!!  And maybe/hopefully those things will happen.  Maybe I really will be an artist one day;) 

Regardless I can't be blinded to the doors HE has opened.  I can't be so completely focused on my wants, my will, that I see every other thing as a "side" step.  Life isn't a side-step.  Wanting and waiting for a dream to be fulfilled isn't a bad thing, but while I wait...while I live and breathe...I'm going to do what He's placed right before me.  What about you?  Do you feel like you are just waiting for that one thing to happen before you can start living??

Be a blessing.
thoughtful cards in the mail
comments from "strangers" that bless my heart
the gift of creativity
coke zero with vanilla from sonic;)
fun couple of days ahead
 my new logo stamp:))

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