shine;)

I stumbled upon some ugly words about myself last week.  It was one of those snarky mean girl sites and someone had taken the time to pretty much judge every move I make.  Including that I'm a bad writer.  I try not to focus on stuff like that because no one but my close peeps really know me, but for some reason the bad writer thing stuck (oh I hate that) and has been on replay in my mind occasionally this last week.  It's kinda weird that it was that statement that bothered me, because I know I'm not a technically good writer.  I write just exactly how I would talk. Run on sentences.  Incomplete thoughts.  Lack of focus;)

Blah, blah, blah...  The thing is hurting people lash out and hurt people.  It's easy to throw stones.  It's easy to pick on and put down others, especially in this day and age...all hidden behind our screens.  We've all seen the horrible things that others say on IG to complete strangers.  It blows my mind how people can be so hateful and mean...but then I'm reminded we live in a fallen world.  Not everyone believes the things I do.  Extend grace...ugh!

I started this blog six years ago!  Six!!!  I was cold and dark...literally;)  It was cold up there in Minnesota and I was in a dark place struggling with depression.  And blogging was wonderful.  It helped me focus my time and energy on searching for good.  Looking at my little world and embracing and noticing everything around me.  What a gift:)  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  And the friends I've met!  And the places I've been!!!  I don't think any of it would have been possible without this space...this platform.

And now there's Instagram. Amazing how you think things will stay the same and then all of a sudden it's different.   Somehow I have 20,000 "followers" on IG!  Say WHAT!!  I don't say that to brag.  Honestly I can't believe people would want to tag along and see what little snippets I have to share.  Really it's humbling and weird and if you don't keep the whole thing in perspective it's a mind game.

 I read a quote recently that said: 

"Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide". -- DW Winnicott 

YES!  This is how I feel exactly.  There is a constant push and pull feeling in me to share everything and then share nothing...  Because heaven forbid you share something special...something close to your heart and it gets misunderstood or you get judged.  Who has time for that!  Who wants to put their heart out there to get stomped on!  And when you add an element of creativity...well that just ups the anty.  

But despite those feelings I have the strongest conviction that I think life is meant to be shared.  We learn from each other.  We can inspire one another and we can give that little bit of encouragement along the way.  We are not the only ones that feel vulnerable and tired and out of sorts occasionally.  This life thing is no joke.  It's hard at times and to walk with others is a gift...even if it is virtually.  

SO all that to say... SHINE girls!  Don't let the thoughts of anyone deter you from your purpose.  There is only one you!  The world needs to see your gifts and talents.  God has specifically given them to you to SHARE:)  Don't worry about being judged...you will be.  Put on your blinders.  Focus on what's in front of you and live out your calling...whatever that may be:)

Be a blessing.

thankfuls...

 relearn something...

 these girls! i prayed for them and now they are here:)  fgp christmas party!!

 making more room for the shop...eeek!

redder hair:0

disappearing...

Good morning friends.  It feels good to be here.  I'm just gonna spill the few thoughts I have because lately I got nothin';)  So you all know I'm a cuffer.  That business is good.  We are working to restock the shop daily.  And even though this growth has come over the last few years, the majority is new.  I never thought I'd have a real job.  Never set out to have one.  I feel an identity crisis coming on.

I daydream about disappearing.  Is that weird?  Not up and leaving my family, but just disappearing from "view".  The most decadent delicious dream I have right now is getting so lost in a book I do nothing for days but read.  I can't remember the last book I couldn't put down.  I have a nightstand of sweet books beckoning me to open their pages, but I don't.  I plop into bed at night and numbingly watch a few shows...the Bachelor being one of them.  Are you guys watching?  Seriously weird this time.  Sometimes I like him, sometimes I want to smack him.  There's no way it's going to end good and yet I watch...wasting my precious book time:)


March is going to be a blur.  BLUR!  So much going on.  Stuff...lots of stuff.  People...trips.  Excitement.  Another opening.  Which I'm telling you will never happen two months in a row again.  So be forewarned.  It's just a bad idea.  Burnout is not a place you want to visit.  And in the midst of it all I feel this little voice in me whispering Becky...where are you?!  And I feel like shouting back...I HAVE NO IDEA!!!


I say all this in a frazzled place, but despite the crazy...I pinch myself at life.  I'm home. Making beautiful things...with friends.  I'm blessed.  I'm tired, but from good things.  My cup runneth over.  I'm just trying to figure out how to incorporate me-time into the mix.  Remember when you had your first baby and the clouds parted and one day you got the very rare treat to go the grocery store and run errands all alone and it felt super liberating and easy?  You didn't have to lug the carseat.  You didn't have to stop and feed the baby.  It was just you.  Just easy.  Your skin tingled from that free feeling.  I'm wanting a little of that easy free feeling.

So you all know I'm in love with Hawaii.  We're going back this summer:)  Kauai this time.  It's the last one on my must-see list.  It represents that feeling to me.  But I will find it right here too.  I think we have to carve out time in the midst of the every day hustle to find that feeling.  It's vital to our well being.  Maybe an alarm needs set.  Bbbbbbbrrrrriiinggg...you must open a book RIGHT now;)  Bbbbbrrrrriiinnnggg...GO SIT ON THE PORCH!  Maybe a mandatory blog hour is in order...cause I sure do miss it.


I've never been one to plan my days out.  Scheduling fun seems a little weird, but maybe I should.  I need to plan a few hours weekly to clean, meal plan and throw a ball with Fergie too.  When there's something stirring in your heart...when there's a little voice whispering in the background over and over again...we need to listen and obey.  


I'm not really good at the last part.  This is probably the tenth time I've written about this feeling and I haven't done anything about it yet. So maybe running away isn't the answer.  Disappearing might not be feasible, but stuffing down those feelings will not have a good end result.  So I'm asking for help...Heavenly Daddy help me listen.  Help me find time to balance work and life. I'm failing miserably and I want to do better. Teach me how to plan better. Show me ways to use my time better.  Stir in me the direction I should go.  Use me, fill me up...pour me out for You...in Jesus name.

Be a blessing.

how DOG the bounty hunter grounds me...

True confession time...I have a little habit.  I'm thinking it might not be the healthiest one.  After I partake...I'm a little off.  My mind has trouble focusing.  I'm dissatisfied with everything.  I covet.  Which of course is a sin.  Seems small, but hmmmm.  I'm talking about my Hawaii Life addiction.  Have you watched this HGTV show?

A few years back we visited Maui and then the Big Island, and ever since then I've been a little obsessed and basically ruined. This of course is magnified a bit in the winter months, but I just have this yearning to live there at some point in my life.  I think about it too much.  I pick my memory for all the little places we visited.  It's like my mental vacation.  And I know it's probably not the healthiest thing in the world for me, because honestly it does make me wish for something I don't have, to be somewhere I don't live, and that's wrong.  Boo!  But I'm addicted:/

Since I'm all about Hawaii I watch anything to do with it.  I listen to the Descendants CD over and over again.  I even catch myself watching Dog the Bounty Hunter.  I was relaying this to my helpers this week and Adele had never heard of Dog.  WHAT!??  Seriously??  It was our pleasure to get her up to speed about all things Dog and his crazy family.  

So Adele you've never heard of DOG?!  Where you been girl?  Under a rock.  This show is legendary.  People dress up like them at Halloween.  Okay so it's this family of bounty hunters.  And they are rough and raw.  Dog is a Christian, but he's been in prison...oh and he swears like a trucker.  His wife Beth is rough too.  They look like cartoon characters. He's got a bleach blonde mullet. They both are decked out in leather from head to toe and she's very well endowed.  That's the physical.  They go in looking for these meth heads in THE most awful places in Hawaii.  They are hot on the pursuit.  Tasers and handcuffs ready.  It's thrilling.  When they finally find the fugitive, the people are like "whatevs dude...here's my hands, cuff me".  And they still kinda rough them up and throw them in the back of the van...just for intimidation purposes and TV drama.  Then while they are in the car DOG offers them a cig and is like "Bra...it's not too late for you to turn your life over":)  They do a little rehabilitation pep talk on the way to jail and at the end they usually pray with the dazed drugged out dude.  It's good TV.  Every episode is basically the same, but I'm hooked because I'm hoping the criminal will actually run or try to shoot Dog or something tantalizing will happen.  Shame on me.

Here's the point.  I do have one;)  The DOG keeps me grounded.  In my one track mind Hawaii is all lush tropical jungles and rainbows. It's endless beaches and blue.  It's magical light, flipflops and dew rags on my head.  But in reality just like every other "perfect" place, job, man, situation etc...there are good and bad things about it. Everything is not perfect. Work is WORK!  People are flawed.  Hawaii has drugs:/


I think the "grass is greener" mentality can keep us in a state of discontent, and that is a HUGE weapon the enemy uses to distract and discourage us.  Even as I type all this out it doesn't change the fact that deep in my heart I want to escape to Hawaii someday.  But I realize that it is an escape and that I am where I am right now for a purpose.  My heart and mind will be here while I'm here.  There's nothing wrong with dreams.  There's nothing wrong with wanting something else as long as it doesn't keep you from the course God has for your life.  Be present in your real life drama.  You only live it once.

Be a blessing.

happy mail from artbyerinleigh.com 

a week of cuffing.  shop opens MONDAY!!!

my first Big Cartel sales!  

the soft place

Happy Friday friends.  I hope you've had a great week.  To be honest I've been kind of a hot frazzled mess.  I'm 100% blaming hormones.


The other night I dreamed I was sitting in my daughter's third grade class getting ready for her Valentine's day party when in saunters Kelle Hampton.  Love her!  She's my blog crush.  She's also 9 months pregnant.  Anyway she sashays in...looking gorgeous and all put together as usual and she starts handing out lovely handmade Valentine's to MY daughter's class.  Meanwhile much to my horror I realize I don't have any Valentine's for little chick to hand out and she starts sobbing on the spot...so disappointed in me.

I mean what in the world kind of convoluted dream is that!?!?  I woke up in a teary panic..heart saddened.  I mean isn't that every woman's worst moment...dropping one of the many balls we have flying in the air. Letting down the people we love the most.  Grrrrrrrr!


Then there was the lunch with a friend that had me in a sobbing state when she just casually mentioned she might move. Might.  Probably won't, but might.  Did I say might??  I lost it.  Seriously I couldn't even make eye contact.  It's no secret moving was hard for me, but finding and keeping a friend that I have so much in common with...who gets me.  Well that's like a lifeline right now.  It took a feather to push me over that edge.

Seriously I blame hormones, but I also know that I love deeply. I'm emotional and sentimental and one giant sloppy mess most days, but that's okay.  I care a whole lot about the people in my life and sometimes that sets you up for big hurt.

As much as I love them, I know that I know, that it's just a teeeeeeny tinnnny speck of how much my Savior loves me...Valentine's in hand or not...emotional hot mess and all;)   Resting in that soft place of reassurance.  

**Thank you all so much for sharing your love stories with me.  I read each one.  It's so good to remember back isn't it??  Okay so the winner of the Eco Natural Soap give-away is:

Lindsey at Piecefully Home!  Congrats girl!!  

Her love story is here.  It's a good one.

Be a blessing.

985.  my big chick who turned 13 today!  

986.  cuban food with tamara

987.  sunsets that set the sky on fire

988.  cupcakes in my near future

His space

I'm feeling very introspective this morning.  Not sure if it's the week of rain or lack of sunny days that have brought it on, or maybe it's the many days in a row without my man that has made me pause and take a look inside but nonetheless...I'm going in.

If you know me in real life you know I don't talk about God all the time.  I'm not super serious or uber religious.  I don't carry my Bible with me everywhere I go...not that that's a bad thing.  I'm just normal.  Just like you.   

I feel lately like I've got a blog identity crisis going on.  Actually I've felt like this for some time.  When I sit down to blog it's not about fluff anymore.  It's not even about me necessarily.  It's about faith and struggles and overcoming and I sit back sometimes and I read my words and I know they're not mine and I'll be honest it's a little weird.

It's very obvious to me this blog is His.  I gave it up a while ago.  I used to hold on tight.  I used to write down my stats and worry about comments.  I used to want to be liked and cared a LOT about what people thought of me.  And it just dawned on me the other day I don't do that here anymore.  I don't know how or when that shift happened, but it did.  It just kind of evaporated.  I've fought it a bit...actually talked about it with my blogging friends.  Wondering why I couldn't write a fun and playful post.  I used to.  It use to come easy, but this is where I am right now.



With that said I've felt a feeling of oppression for a few months.  It comes along with life's trials.  Sometimes we take on others trials as our own too.  It's what we do.  There was the stresses of business...lost supplies, Honey's job trials, family members struggling with sickness...aging, normal mom worries, friends with major issues...the election, the shootings and then gloomy January hit and there is the fast etc...  Just life. 

And you know whenever you consecrate yourself, when you ask God to do a big thing in your life...that it's going to bring on the enemy.   He is roaming the earth looking to devour us.  You know this right?  He is here to steal, kill and destroy us.  And I see him doing that.  It's everywhere you look.  It even sneaks into our homes.  I just happened to be in my Big Chick's room last night when she was showing me something on her iPad and the most vile repulsive images popped up onto her screen and I was in complete shock for a second.  Like how can this be happening!?!?  Thank God I was right there.  Thank God He worked it out that we could get it deleted off and have a discussion.  He had me there...to protect.

So as I sit here deep thinking, cause that's what I do, I'm reminded that we fight not against flesh and blood, but against principalities.  We are in a war friends.  The world is never going to feel right.  We are never going to get what we need from it.  It will leave you empty with a giant hole and the ONLY thing that can fill that hole is Jesus!  The only thing that can protect our hearts and our lives and our future is a relationship with Him. 

I'm not going to fight giving this blog over to Him.  I'm not going worry about losing "followers".   I would hate to think anyone is following me anyway. It's Him... Him I want to lead them to.  I'm praying that will always be the mission here...in this space...His space!

Be a blessing.

 

 

 

 

 

956.  honey's home

957.  He directs my steps

958.  we have authority over the enemy...praise GOD!

959.  slumber party with my girls

960.  a day to go nowhere

sweet spot

 

Every October a shift occurs.  My store starts getting really busy.  Which I'm grateful for, BUT I start wigging out and go into hyperactive overdrive.  Every spare minute is spent pounding a hammer and filling orders.  Usually travel is thrown into the mix, and for some that busyness would make them feel alive...make them thrive. 


For me it makes my shoulders rise to my ears.  My head buzzes all day long.  I feel like I can't take a deep breath.  I have to-do lists replaying in my mind like an old record skipping over and over and over again.  But this is life and every year it repeats.  Every year the stress cycle continues.

As I think about my favorite holiday approaching I want more than anything to truly get it.  To truly embrace what I've been given.  These people in my life are huge, amazing gifts.  I want to see my children...not look through them.  I want to listen when they speak to me.  I want to hear what lies beneath their words.

I want to appreciate the details, and that only happens when you are fully engaged...truly paying attention.

 

These girls are watching me.  They want to be just like me.  It's a big responsibility to be a role model.  What am I modeling??

My Thanksgiving wish is to find the balance between the chores of this world that have to be done, and the things of this life that must be appreciated.  Oh the constant strive for that sweet spot. 

 

 

 

***Hope all of you have a wonderful holiday.  We are heading to Asheville for a very special Thanksgiving with dear friends.  Follow along with me on Instagram...farmgirlpaints.

Be a blessing.

884.  sweet friends within driving distance
885.  nature walk with my chicks
886.  fall in all it's glory
887.  nudges that remind me to pay attention
888.  everything...thankful for every.little.thing!
889.  YOU!

incognito

My stomach was in knots on Halloween for a couple of reasons.  As I was pulling out my crazy red wig I couldn't help but miss my old hood.  It was this unexpected icky pit feeling that just zinged me out of nowhere.  In Minnesota they just did it up big.  One of our neighbors pulled out all the stops and had a huge party every year.  It was so fun to see the costumes, and dress up incognito for one night.


We walked the streets with our stand in "family".  We'd peer into all the houses...letting the kids run wild and free.  We'd bundle up with long underwear, gloves, scarves...hats over our ears.  The weather was unpredictable and we could be battling wind, rain...snow.  It was adventurous and memorable.   We loved it...every minute.

This is not to say Halloween wasn't fun here.  We still dressed up.  We still made the rounds with new friends.  It just made me miss the old...

And then there was the text I got that afternoon from my big chick asking if she could trick or treat with her bestie, in her hood, without us:0  We let her go.  We didn't want to...but we did.  And it didn't help that she borrowed a wedding dress from the neighbors, and looked like a sweet innocent bride!  Be still my mother's heart.   

 

It just didn't feel the same without her.  Part of us was missing.  I'm not ready for that just yet.  Next year it will be different.  Next year the friend will come with us...ha! 

 

 

So that was part of my Halloween stomach ache...and then there was the text I forgot to send out to ask a neighbor girl to join us in trick or treating.  I felt so bad when I ran into her and her mom later making the rounds.  The last thing I wanted to do was leave someone out...make them feel not included or special.  Grrrrrr. 

 

 

The fact is I screw up sometimes.  I have a bad memory.  BAD!  And as much as I want to remember every little thing, I drop the ball sometimes.  Then I punish myself later.  So goes the perpetual cycle of motherhood. 

This was me as a wannabe punk rockin' Jesus Freak (in color the wig is red..and I had a fake nose ring in earlier) and my honey was a crazy mountain man...or something like that;)  The jacket is his dad's Army coat.  He wears it for sentimental reasons. 


Anyway I instagramed this pic and people thought this was us when we first started dating!!!  Someone even said his hair was probably what drew me to him;)  I about DIED laughing.  DIED!  I'll have to hunt down an early picture of us.  We were 16.  SIXTEEN!  Good times...good times...  Have a great weekend friends.

Be a blessing.

843.  making new traditions
844.  Heath bars
845.  house hunting with a friend
856.  cracker barrel with my sugar sistas
857.  brandee's baby is coming!