sixteen

I'm sitting alone with my thoughts in the dark basement.  The shop sign is casting a glow. Snow is gently falling outside. Even though I'm not a fan of snow its soft fall is making my heart feel so peaceful this morning.

My life has changed so much in the last couple of years.  It's went from stay at home mom with gym dates and dinner on the table nightly, to full time business owner with helpers here almost every day. Writing a blog has become a memory.  I've forgotten how to express myself here.  Time is precious.  The cursor blinks...what comes next?  

I'll just start with the happenings around here lately.  My Big Chick turned 16 recently!!  For those of you that have been following along forever here's a pic of the family when I first started writing out my thoughts.  Can you believe it!  We were living in Minnesota.  My days were so much different.  I marvel at how life can change. How fast it all goes! 

My oldest is learning to drive.  She's got around 12 hours behind the wheel so far and it's starting to get a little less terrifying.  At first I really thought I might need medicated!  Seriously all of us in one giant hunk of metal, flying down the road with someone who doesn't know the difference between the gas and brake pedals!  She's doing much better now.  I've stopped clenching my teeth and I can actually breathe when she's driving.  Progress.  Sidenote... I've become so accustom to using my smart phone's emoji's I'm finding it almost impossible to type this out.  How do I express myself fully without the little monkey covering his eyes?  Without the little face laughing to the point of tears.  Seriously this is challenging;)  Can you feel my emotion without the little faces?  Urgggghhh!

Back to my girl and her birthday.  Sixteen is major.  It's the age we've set for dating, driving, working...spreading her wings and flying.  Insert heart palpitations here.  And what amazes me time and again; the things we never felt ready to let her do, once the time comes for her to do them, miraculously God shows up and we have the grace for it.  It's truly miraculous.  He helps us let go. His timing is perfect.  Trust Him!

So we have been walking through so much stuff with her.  Parenting a teenager is no joke.  It brings up all the same crap we had to deal with in high school. Insecurities.  Feeling alone.  Not knowing what you want to do with your life.  Feeling scared you're gonna miss your calling.  I'm reminded daily of how important our roles as parents is. How much they need us. For instance on my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend at the time called me and told me he had just taken an entire bottle of pills and then hung up the phone.  Lovely hunh?!!!:/  Being able to share horror stories with your kids about your past struggles and hard times makes them feel less freaked out about their own.  It gets better...life.  All those crazy past experiences shape us and make us stronger.   

For you young mommas out there that worry about your babies not needing you once they get a little more independent...think again!  It's a whole new ballgame and your unique story; your relationship with the Lord; your partnership with your spouse will become more important than ever. We have such a big part in calming their fears, in helping them feel normal and guiding their footsteps in hopefully the right direction. It has a way of bonding you SO close, and keeping you on your knees with your heavenly Daddy as well. Oh the beautiful circle of life:)  Thank you Lord for the privilege of parenthood and for being blessed with the sweetest girls ever.  My cup truly runneth over.

Be a blessing.

she was an artist and her life was her canvas

For those of you that have followed along and watched things unfold over the last few years...you know I didn't set out to have a full time business.  I started painting and dabbling in cuff making a few years ago as a hobby. Since then a complete whirlwind has happened, and this once little side thing is MORE than a full time thing.  There's a lot of guilt that comes from being busy.  Too busy.  

There's a lot of shuffling of priorities.  There are weeks without real dinners and weeks without working out.  There are weeks where I don't leave my house, and when walking to the mailbox feels like a glorious fieldtrip.  And in all that time there are weeks filled with birthday's, homecomings and exciting new mommy/daughter talks about firsts.  There's the changing of seasons, a husband that needs attention, there are deadlines, people to manage, and orders to fill. It's a lot, and it's more than I ever bargained for.  It truly is, and yet God knew.  He knew this was my destiny.  This was the path.  And He's made it clear that every step of the way He will bridge any gaps.  He provides the need...before I fall flat.  

My little chick turned 12!

My big chick went to homecoming with a BOY:0!!  

Years ago I went to a flea market show and saw this pendant at a crafter's booth. It immediately made me well up. I was in the throes of young motherhood. Life was a mix of mundane and routine. I had so many things brewing in my spirit, things I wanted to do...hoped would happen, but I was in a quiet season. These words, she was an artist and her life was her canvas, made it beautifully clear. I didn't have to be "creating" something every day to be an artist. God had given me the purest form of self expression through my daily walk...living in the ordinary. 

Even now in the season of hustle, we are all growing and stretching together, and I still feel like I was made for more...that something else is coming.  That this is another holding pattern and He will bring me to that next place when the time is right.  It's a beautiful thing to just know that He's got you...and in the middle you have to remember to "paint"...and splash color and be the "artist" of your life.  Because those strokes of love, grace, mercy and JOY are the real masterpiece.

Be a blessing,

just because flowers

living through the first behind the wheel with my oldest

a teenager with a burden for the lost

my youngest who is becoming a young woman

parents who are still alive

a thriving business that i know is from Him

a day to paint

a day to blog

that my big girl camera still works

grace upon grace

allofthethings

Worst picture ever award;)

To say it's been a tad busy over here is an understatement.  I think life has bombed our house.  Like it's full on celebration of allofthethings...allofthetime lately.  Can you OD on good?  Cause lately it's been a little off the charts...

First off the May shop opening was a HUGE success...like most cuffs ever sold in the history of ever!  I wept.  Literally overwhelmed by everything I sat on the front porch after everyone left and wept.  It was happy tears.  Tears of joy and relief and complete and utter amazement at God and how HE blows my mind and brings me to that humble spot.  That spot of complete and utter reliance on Him.  I really can't put into words how I'm feeling, but weeping seems to be a part of my every day as of late.  We'll be working hard to get them all stamped and sent out this week hopefully.  Lots to do!

Let's see since I blogged last we had Mother's day.  With full on cards and a day of traipsing around Richmond eating at my favorite Cuban place and sight seeing...those pics to come.  Honey finished off a project which I'll share soon.  It was good.  Like so good I wish everyday was Mother's day:)

This week has been a week of firsts.  Big chick's first dance:) Which she was asked to go with a boy!  That didn't happen because I'm a tad old fashioned and boys and girls have no business going anywhere together in 8th grade...  But apparently they danced.  And it's not like when we were in school and there were two separate groups...boys on one side and girls on the other with no one dancing at all.  They all danced!! Times have changed.  Kids are a little more bold, and honestly it frightens me;)  But she's got this experience under her sleeve and I'm so proud of my girl.  She just radiates from the inside out.  Her inner and outer beauty blind me!

Then there's this one. Could she look any more precious?  Despite a horrible onslaught of seasonal allergies she braved the big stage and did her thing.  First dance recital...CHECK!  She had the BIGGEST smile plastered on her face.  I was so proud of her.  She stuck with ballet even though she begged not to go at times.  The flowers apparently made it worth it:)

So it's been a crazy couple of weeks.  I hope Spring is treating you well.  I'm ready for a break.  Oh I got a hammock for Mother's day too.  It's getting broken in real soon:)

Be a blessing,

 Our super sweet mail carrier Sayid aka "happy" got a raise because of the volume of mail coming from our shop!!!!  Seriously made me SO haPpY!!!

 my 41st birthday! a chocolate cake hunt was on:)  my family loves me well!!

 happy tears!!!  God is SO good:))

these three...who work so hard with me. love them!!!

surprising myself...

I've developed a bad habit over the years.  I've unintentionally put myself in a box. I can hear my voice in my head saying, "I hate to cook.  I'm not good at tablescapes.  Entertaining isn't my thing.  I'm just not good at planning.  I am NOT a detail girl".  I think sometimes we label ourselves as a scapegoat, so we don't have to do the things we're uncomfortable with.  But guess what? During Tamara's festival week I did ALL those things and I did them pretty well thank you very much lol:)!!


I'm not talking down to myself anymore. I CAN cook.  I CAN decorate a pretty table.  I'm AN AMAZING hostess!  I can ROCK all the millions of details!!!  I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.  I can and I will be who He's called me to be according to His purpose.  It may not be easy. It may make me break out into a sweat, but I can do hard things!

I can't even begin to tell you what a joy it was serving during T's surprise week.  To have our house full of people.  It felt alive.  It felt right and good.  It wasn't the norm and that was a very good thing for us.  We get comfortable. We do things just the four of us 95% of the time.  But we need people.  We need to be available to share His love...His grace in and through us.  Honey and I have since then shared over and over again what a blessing it was FOR US!  How much we loved having a house full of "family".  That's what it felt like.  Makes me teary just reliving it.

I've always been intimidated by entertaining.  The inner fussy "Martha" came out a bit.  It's so much work. You have to meal plan, grocery shop, prepare, time it all out, clean it all up etc...  Excuses excuses...valid excuses, but lazy excuses nonetheless.  Then I read an amazing book and it kind of made me understand myself a bit more. I see God in nature.  I see Him in the sea, in the trees, in the birds flying through the air etc...  I never really understood those that found Him around the table...until now:)

What's becoming clearer and clearer to me is that the most sacred moment, the ones in which I feel God's presence most profoundly, when I feel the goodness of the world most arrestingly, take place at the table.  

The particular alchemy of celebration and food, of connecting people and serving what I've made with my own hands, comes together as more than the sum of their parts.  I love the sounds and smells and textures of life at the table, hands passing bowls and forks clinking against plates and bread being torn and the rhythm and energy of feeding and being fed.  Page 13 of  Bread & Wine

I had a couple of "Bread & Wine" moments that week.  If you haven't read that book you really should.  It's beautifully written about how gathering around the table can bring us together.  Shauna Niequist weaves stories of her life, shares yummy recipes and writes in such a relatable way that I want her to live next door. How cool would that be!  Anyway looking at these sweet people gathered around our table...celebrating another.  It truly was beautiful.

This makes me cry...to watch this video Big Chick took...click here.

Our only focus was to love.  To lift up and embrace one another.  That's what gathering together should be about.  That's what WE should be about.  Full circle indeed!

**Tamara and I are leaving today for HOPE SPOKEN in Dallas, TX...and guess who the keynote speaker is going to be?  Author of Bread & Wine herself...Shauna Niequist.  So very excited to hear her speak and to hug so many of you:)  It's going to be goooood!  Follow along on IG if you want to see the whole thing unfold...@farmgirlpaints.

**Oh and on my last post I told you about John and Sherry Petersik crashing our house??  Well it's up already!!!  Read about it here.  They are lightning fast:))

Be a blessing. 

Back row...Susan, Debbie, Sherry, Mary, 

Middle row...Christy, Tamara, Kelly C, Kelly P and me;)

big beautiful smiles

one last house painting...

gifts being shared...mary's gorgeous chalkart.

mutual cuff love;)

loving hard...the Festival of Tamara

Mary Krause and Kelly Paynter

Hi friends...I didn't mean to disappear, but I've had a few things up my sleeve;)  If you've been following along on IG you know all about this past week.  A few months ago I dreamed up a plan.  A BIG monster plan to surprise my friend Tamara for her 40th birthday.

The first day Tamara and I met I casually mentioned I was horrible with details.  I flat out told her I would struggle with remembering her name, birthday etc...  It was the truth.  She needed to know right upfront.  You know manage expectations from the very beginning;)  I really am quite embarrassed at times by my inability to remember simple things.  I've had friends for years that I wouldn't know their kids names if my life depended on it.  It just won't sink in.  But every now and then I'm surprised by the things that stick.

I remember thinking to myself this one...this GIRL is going to be important to me.  I could feel my brain kicking in trying to make an association I could remember.  I remember stating her birthday over and over in my mind.  I'm weird I know, but I just knew.  God knew.  She did become important.  She became my person here.  The one that knows me.  The one that I could ask for help and she'd do anything.  She became my right hand helper with my business and like a second mom to my girls.  Her and Bill became our stand in family and in the process filled a huge hole and made this place feel like home.  So needless to say I needed to shock her good and what better way then to become Miss Details;)

Emails were sent, with shaky, "what in the world am I doing hands":)  Texts were sent flying and an up in the air itinerary was formed.  For months she would tell me about these IG friends that held her heart.  She'd tell me about their text messages and emails and I knew without a doubt who should come.  Fortunately for me I knew and loved them too.  Win win!!

I'll spare you all the finite details...because there are a LOT.  I won't go on and on about all the times I almost spilled the beans or how she was in my biz all the time and it was virtually impossible to make this happen.  But I will tell you the surprise happened in stages.  And it was beautiful.  Seeing this girl in tears, completely overwhelmed and in awe was by far the best gift in the world to ME!

We kept the magic/embarrassment going by publicly singing loud and proud on at least three different occasions.  Everyone needed to know it was Tamara's "festival" week.  BTW my Big Chick did her portrait:)  Isn't she beautiful?!?

Mary Krause in MY studio...STAMPING!  Seriously surreal moment for me.  If you don't know her you should.  She's a beautiful, talented soul.  Check out her Etsy shop here.

We picked up like long lost IN REAL LIFE friends and found ourselves at Target...Instagramming in the aisles:) We thrifted the Fan, ate at Kuba Kuba, and Kelly P. and I experienced the most amazing cup of coffee EVER!  We hit the cemetery and the Capitol...oh and the Jefferson Hotel.  

And then phase two of the "Festival of Tamara" kicked in.  We had one more surprise up our sleeves.  Kelly Cach flew in the night before, and while the girls casually had breakfast at my kitchen island, she popped out of the pantry and surprised Tamara's socks off:)  It was perfect!  Oh my heart.  Not sure if it could take anymore.

If you're still reading along this is the part that you need to perk up for.  These girls became family to us over the week.  The seedling little love that we felt for them exploded into real true hardcore feelings.  I honestly feel like I've known them all my life.

The tears came over and over again because what we experienced was a complete gift from Him.  These friendships were meant to be.  This week would never have happened if I hadn't just decided to GO BIG and go for it.  If they would have said hmmmmm I don't know...I only know them online. I'm scared to fly.  That's a long way.  What if they are weird? What if I feel left out?  What if I leave disappointed? What if ________ etc...  This amazing blessing would never have happened.  If you feel lead to do something, meet someone, go somewhere, bless someone, try something new etc......DO IT!  Don't sit on it.  Don't let fear stand in your way.  Those promptings are the Holy Spirit.  That little nudge in your heart needs listened to.  You won't be sorry:)

*More pics to come...the Festival of Tamara continues.

Be a blessing.

forever bonds

loving hard 

what i wish i knew at fourteen...

Good morning friends.  It takes a snow day for me to carve time out to blog.  The shop was a HUGE hit again.  Thank you all SO MUCH!  I looked over at Tamara the other day as we were slouched over our work tables hammering away and said, "Remember when we used to go on nature walks? Remember when we used to go to lunch for fun?"  That seems like so long ago;)

This little side hobby has turned into a full time, hard core gig.  You see the five days of the shop being open...we see weeks before and after of prep, stamping, photographing, listing and really hard....very detailed work.  Have I ever mentioned details are not my thing.  Thank God for my helpers!  This growth is such a blessing...such an amazingly overwhelming "God is in this THING", but I'm trying to figure out how to grow with it and not be swallowed up whole.

So needless to say last weekend when my girl turned fourteen I was more than ready to throw down the hammer and escape the basement for a bit.  We hit PF Chang's for dinner.  Did a little shopping at Anthro and saw an action movie.  My girl likes action:)

My girls are opposites.  Little chick wears her heart on her sleeve.  If she's the least bit uncomfortable, sad, tired, hungry or whatever...you know it.  Big chick keeps her feelings stuffed down a bit until it finally bubbles up and she erupts like a full blown volcano.

The night before her birthday she erupted.  This being a teenager business is hard.  It's the balance between wanting independence to spread your wings, and wanting to feel safe and secure and little...geesh it's brutal.  There were tears about wanting to be remembered.  There were tears about a lot of other heavy things.  Things that honey and I listened to and identified with.  Sometimes all they need/want is a sounding board.  Guess what?  We went through the same stuff.  We felt the same way you do.  It's all gonna be alright.  Tell us what you're feeling.  We can help you...  This season is HARD, but it gets better.  We promise.

We listened.  We shared.  She wiped away the tears, smiled and left.  We cried.  Why?  Because that's what parents do.  We pour out. We take it all in, and desperately we wish we could walk the walk for them knowing what we know now.

Oh to be fourteen all over again.  Oh to know that being true to yourself and not worrying about everything so much is the way to go.  To know that this season is so short, such a small little blip in your life, and not the defining end all of what you will become.  That you don't have to have it all figured out.  That God allows you to struggle a bit at times to shape and mold who you will grow into.  Wish I could take all of my life experiences...struggles, pain, testings, joy, success, overcoming, confidence, love etc...and mix them into a little pill for her to swallow so she didn't have to worry.  So she didn't have to go through it unsure.  But that's not how it works.  We each have our own path to pave.  

I'm rejoicing with this girl.  I know she'll figure it out.  God has great big things for her.  She will be remembered.  She will find her voice, use her gifts, be surrounded with people who love her.  Her dreams will come to pass and unfold.  Why?  Because she has a heavenly daddy who loves her so much more than honey and I ever could.  And if we want these things for her...so does HE!

 Happy fourteenth baby girl!!! 

Be a blessing,

His mercies are new every morning. 

Finally feeling better...

fourteen years of motherhood.

my girl!

chocolate cake

grace

nyquil