Wednesday, February 26, 2014

disappearing...

Good morning friends.  It feels good to be here.  I'm just gonna spill the few thoughts I have because lately I got nothin';)  So you all know I'm a cuffer.  That business is good.  We are working to restock the shop daily.  And even though this growth has come over the last few years, the majority is new.  I never thought I'd have a real job.  Never set out to have one.  I feel an identity crisis coming on.



I daydream about disappearing.  Is that weird?  Not up and leaving my family, but just disappearing from "view".  The most decadent delicious dream I have right now is getting so lost in a book I do nothing for days but read.  I can't remember the last book I couldn't put down.  I have a nightstand of sweet books beckoning me to open their pages, but I don't.  I plop into bed at night and numbingly watch a few shows...the Bachelor being one of them.  Are you guys watching?  Seriously weird this time.  Sometimes I like him, sometimes I want to smack him.  There's no way it's going to end good and yet I watch...wasting my precious book time:)


March is going to be a blur.  BLUR!  So much going on.  Stuff...lots of stuff.  People...trips.  Excitement.  Another opening.  Which I'm telling you will never happen two months in a row again.  So be forewarned.  It's just a bad idea.  Burnout is not a place you want to visit.  And in the midst of it all I feel this little voice in me whispering Becky...where are you?!  And I feel like shouting back...I HAVE NO IDEA!!!


I say all this in a frazzled place, but despite the crazy...I pinch myself at life.  I'm home. Making beautiful things...with friends.  I'm blessed.  I'm tired, but from good things.  My cup runneth over.  I'm just trying to figure out how to incorporate me-time into the mix.  Remember when you had your first baby and the clouds parted and one day you got the very rare treat to go the grocery store and run errands all alone and it felt super liberating and easy?  You didn't have to lug the carseat.  You didn't have to stop and feed the baby.  It was just you.  Just easy.  Your skin tingled from that free feeling.  I'm wanting a little of that easy free feeling.



So you all know I'm in love with Hawaii.  We're going back this summer:)  Kauai this time.  It's the last one on my must-see list.  It represents that feeling to me.  But I will find it right here too.  I think we have to carve out time in the midst of the every day hustle to find that feeling.  It's vital to our well being.  Maybe an alarm needs set.  Bbbbbbbrrrrriiinggg...you must open a book RIGHT now;)  Bbbbbrrrrriiinnnggg...GO SIT ON THE PORCH!  Maybe a mandatory blog hour is in order...cause I sure do miss it.


I've never been one to plan my days out.  Scheduling fun seems a little weird, but maybe I should.  I need to plan a few hours weekly to clean, meal plan and throw a ball with Fergie too.  When there's something stirring in your heart...when there's a little voice whispering in the background over and over again...we need to listen and obey.  


I'm not really good at the last part.  This is probably the tenth time I've written about this feeling and I haven't done anything about it yet. So maybe running away isn't the answer.  Disappearing might not be feasible, but stuffing down those feelings will not have a good end result.  So I'm asking for help...Heavenly Daddy help me listen.  Help me find time to balance work and life. I'm failing miserably and I want to do better. Teach me how to plan better. Show me ways to use my time better.  Stir in me the direction I should go.  Use me, fill me up...pour me out for You...in Jesus name.





Be a blessing.

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19 comments:

  1. Oh, yes! Do read a book, Beck! You know, my friends and I started a book club 13 months ago and I LOVE it. I love the fact that I HAVE to read a book so I don't let anyone down. If I didn't schedule it I would never do it. There is always editing. There is always case notes. Now there is always a book too! It saves me.

    Cuffing is not a very good slang term with the kids that I work with daily. When they told me the meaning I was surprised. YIKES.

    Happy Wednesday! Love, Becky

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  2. Oh Becky… I hear you. I so understand where you're coming from. Such beautiful, honest, vulnerable words here… May Jesus come for your heart, answering your sweet prayer in ways you never dreamed possible. May you find him, not just in the big things, but in all the little ones as well. May grace, mercy, favor, sunshine, rest, and joy fall over and around you.

    And, by the way… He's crazy about you, you know. I literally just heard Jesus whisper to my heart, "Tell her I'm crazy about her." He's sweet like that. ;)

    Be blessed, my friend!

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  3. I started following your blog around the time you went to Hawaii last time. So glad you guys are choosing to get away!

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  4. I get you……we leave for Kauai on March 19th. I need it.
    xo~Jill

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  5. Hey girl! At the beginning of last summer, I had a real live freak out moment while jumping in a lake at midnight with my husband. Started bawling like a baby on the dock because truly... I WAS OVERWHELMED. It was the second year of my business and everything had picked up and I'd had no previous experience about how to be a mom, wife, and a businesswoman. It gets better... really... you find the rhythm. Things get into a routine and take less time the more you do them. So, hang in there... you are awesome! I'm SO proud of you for not forfeiting your life to fear and stepping out on the water. xo

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  6. I have to say that I've never been busier than this school year with both kiddos, life and my shop. Yet I have read more books in the past three months on my phone kindle. I mean gotten truly deeply LOST in entire series of books and the refresh it's given me has been huge. It sounds like you're beating yourself up a little bit too so stop that. You're spread really thin right now but if you need to make changes for sanity sake don't be afraid to do it. I think for me, I can make being booked solid an idol of sorts and nobody get's refreshed from that. If you've got a voice telling you to break free and rest up in a different way with your spare time or exhausted collapse time, then girlfriend listen to it and do it! You've got this. You can juggle it, you just may need to tweak. Sometimes tweaking ONE thing for myself or letting ONE thing go off the hook for myself takes a ton of pressure of me. Love you. we need to chat!!!! I'll be around off and on today if you're free.

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  7. Been there! Sometimes slowing down, making time for yourself and time for just you and Jesus actually makes everything else run more smoothly. Sounds like you have a lot of fun things going on now and this summer. Be your best so you can enjoy the rest! You're on the right track, friend! Blessings to you!

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  8. Girl, hire a cleaning person if you can want. Cut back in areas that you can. I agree with Sasha...tweaking your life is prob all you need. Take time for you. It's easy to put responsibilities and chores in front of things we need to recharge ourselves and then we end up tired, grumpy, overwhelmed and eventually dissatisfied. Praying for you. You will figure it out. I'm sending hugs and some love from here. xoxo

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  9. Totally know that feeling! Don't ignore that still small voice - if you need to push pause, do it! We'll be here when you get back : ) ♥
    Downshift to 1st gear and work your way back up those gears if you have to : )

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  10. i get it. it get it. i get it. {that voice has been telling me to do more yet do less... to move forward yet pause... to take action yet to slow down... write/create/capture yet to LIVE (off of the screen/out of the kitchen/away from the camera)... to work yet to play... to expand, to reach, to DARE~ yet to find peace/happiness/fulfillment in this very spot...} working on it.

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  11. One of the quickest and best escape books I have ever read is The Gurensey Literary and Potato Peel Society! Ditch that TV tonight. You will love it! I have 18 newborn bottle goats right now! I wanna disappear too! But then I remember my commtment to farming...everyday. ❤️You are a BEAUTIFUL inspiration❤️

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  12. girl. you are not alone. :) i shyly told nathan the other day, "i need a break." he knew.
    let me tell ya, if i lived closer, i would be your cleaning lady. we could trade cleaning for cuffs! yeah!
    AND we could chat at the same time. :) i make a mean cold brew!

    give yourself grace, keep drawing off of the never ending supply of our Daddy...He'll guide your way and He'll fill you right up.
    i know your days are crazy, and i know that feeling of NOT being a day planner. that's totally me, and when i have to, i sort of mourn the loss of just having unplanned days. is that weird?

    you are loved!
    xoxo

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  13. can relate in so many ways!! thanks for sharing your heart my friend!

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  14. I feel this, too. Must be an epidemic. :)
    xo!

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  16. I just wanted to say that I love reading your blog. I've been reading for a while, but never left a comment :). You are a creative, Jesus loving momma like I am, just a few years ahead of me in life. My kids are still pretty little. Anyway, your writing is encouraging to me. You will love Kauai! It is a perfect place to disappear for a while. Eat some shave ice with mac nut ice cream on the bottom for me.

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  17. I guess the Holy Spirit is speaking to a lot of us lately.......the same thing has been on my mind. I have too many "irons in the fire" so to speak. I feel the Lord is letting me know and leading me more toward his work and reading, listening, meditating, praying and just slowing down to re-arrange. I believe their is a shifting going on in the Heavens as on earth.....and he is preparing us! Blessings and prayers~~~Roxie

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  18. Oh goodness we are on the same page! I have been so totally overwhelmed with work, school, my daughter's intense dance schedule, and just life. I am certain that is not how God wants it. I love your prayer and will be chatting with Jesus today(: Thanks! Susan

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  19. yep.
    feeling all those same things.
    been hearing whispers for about a year now..haven't done anything about it. fear has driven me instead. never fun.
    a step towards obedience is on it's way.

    and yes….i read, but i also watch brainless tv after kids are in bed.
    yep. i'm a bachelor fool. feel the same as you…wanna love him, but moments of wanting to smack him come in and save the day every time.


    HAWAII. yes. never visited. that needs to change!
    we're going to NYC and BOSTON this summer, so maybe for our 20th in two summers.

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