I daydream about disappearing. Is that weird? Not up and leaving my family, but just disappearing from "view". The most decadent delicious dream I have right now is getting so lost in a book I do nothing for days but read. I can't remember the last book I couldn't put down. I have a nightstand of sweet books beckoning me to open their pages, but I don't. I plop into bed at night and numbingly watch a few shows...the Bachelor being one of them. Are you guys watching? Seriously weird this time. Sometimes I like him, sometimes I want to smack him. There's no way it's going to end good and yet I watch...wasting my precious book time:)
March is going to be a blur. BLUR! So much going on. Stuff...lots of stuff. People...trips. Excitement. Another opening. Which I'm telling you will never happen two months in a row again. So be forewarned. It's just a bad idea. Burnout is not a place you want to visit. And in the midst of it all I feel this little voice in me whispering Becky...where are you?! And I feel like shouting back...I HAVE NO IDEA!!!
I say all this in a frazzled place, but despite the crazy...I pinch myself at life. I'm home. Making beautiful things...with friends. I'm blessed. I'm tired, but from good things. My cup runneth over. I'm just trying to figure out how to incorporate me-time into the mix. Remember when you had your first baby and the clouds parted and one day you got the very rare treat to go the grocery store and run errands all alone and it felt super liberating and easy? You didn't have to lug the carseat. You didn't have to stop and feed the baby. It was just you. Just easy. Your skin tingled from that free feeling. I'm wanting a little of that easy free feeling.
So you all know I'm in love with Hawaii. We're going back this summer:) Kauai this time. It's the last one on my must-see list. It represents that feeling to me. But I will find it right here too. I think we have to carve out time in the midst of the every day hustle to find that feeling. It's vital to our well being. Maybe an alarm needs set. Bbbbbbbrrrrriiinggg...you must open a book RIGHT now;) Bbbbbrrrrriiinnnggg...GO SIT ON THE PORCH! Maybe a mandatory blog hour is in order...cause I sure do miss it.
I've never been one to plan my days out. Scheduling fun seems a little weird, but maybe I should. I need to plan a few hours weekly to clean, meal plan and throw a ball with Fergie too. When there's something stirring in your heart...when there's a little voice whispering in the background over and over again...we need to listen and obey.
I'm not really good at the last part. This is probably the tenth time I've written about this feeling and I haven't done anything about it yet. So maybe running away isn't the answer. Disappearing might not be feasible, but stuffing down those feelings will not have a good end result. So I'm asking for help...Heavenly Daddy help me listen. Help me find time to balance work and life. I'm failing miserably and I want to do better. Teach me how to plan better. Show me ways to use my time better. Stir in me the direction I should go. Use me, fill me up...pour me out for You...in Jesus name.
Be a blessing.
