the ugly cry

For me I knew that moving to Virginia would require me to go through a "say yes" to everything period.  I've met countless strangers.  Gone on several "blind dates".  Found myself in a few interesting situations.  Everyday is a brand spankin' new adventure.  This week was no different.

Found here

A few weeks ago I signed up for a "transitions" type class.  They meet in a church, and it's all kinds of women in all walks of life, each struggling a bit to find their way after a move.  I knew it was going to be emotional.  I felt myself choking up a bit at just the thought of doing this class.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I walked into an unfamiliar church and took my seat next to a complete stranger and poured out my heart regarding my move to MN?  And yet here I am again.  It was surreal.



We went around the room introducing ourselves and answering a few questions.  Of course when it was my turn I had an absolute melt down.  Seriously I've been doing pretty good.  I have my good days and some bad here and there.  But there is something about having to openly talk about my feelings that made me just lose it in front of a room full of strangers.  It happens at the Dr's office too...explain that one.  It didn't happen just once.  We're talking every time I had to talk I sobbed...and it was the ugly cry.  The one where you are blubbering a bit and snot is starting to run down your face.  OH MY GOODNESS!  This is so not how I wanted these women to see me the first time we met.  Pull it together girlfriend!! 

(Just in case you want this book.)

Anyway they were beyond supportive and kind.  They completely related with me and made me feel understood and accepted.  As much as I was more or less dreading going I'm so glad I did it anyway.  I have a really good feeling about this next new thing.  This experience will bond me with these women and that's exactly what I need right now.  We are in this hard place together and you know what?  We need each other.  It's gonna be good...snot and all;)

Have a blessed day.

 

112.  klennex when you need it.

113.  sharing my house with neighbors.

114.  big chick feeling better.

115.  clean sheets.

116.  mushrooms tucked in the woods.

117.  my favorite t.v. shows starting again.

118.  candles flickering in the afternoon gloom.

119.  new notecards from Amber Alexander...little chick in the storm.

the first note

 

Have you ever had a little seed planted in your heart and it grew and grew and more or less overcame you??  This raw desire to try a new thing...to master something that gave you such extreme joy?  Well my daughter has had the OVERWHELMING desire to play the viola for as long as I can remember.

 

She's talked ALOT about it.  Dreamed about the day and I'm happy to report last weekend her dream finally became reality.  We decided that we would put the trumpet aside and let her pursue this new thing. 

 

 

I'm not sure how it happens...this seed sowing process.  I used to want to play the guitar.  I used to want to knit.  I used to want to be a master gardener.  I used to dream of living in Hawaii etc...  I've tried my hand at a lot of different things and not many have stuck. 

 

It's the ones that do take root and grow that interest me.  Were they meant to be?  Are those my gifts and talents and it just took a lot of exploring before I figured them out??  Not sure, but I love watching my girl get her hands on something she has dreamed about for so long.  It does a momma's heart good. 

 

I'm in that constant stage of looking at her in awe.  Wondering how in the world it's possible that she looks like a little mini me at age 11.  How she's only an 1 1/2" shorter than me and is constantly changing.  How those Barbies haven't been played with in weeks.  I know that doesn't sound unusual, but in this house it IS!  I know all the changes are good.  Necessary even, but deep down it makes me mourn.

We had the opportunity to hear the Richmond Symphony Orchestra play a few weeks ago.  It was really unbelievable.  From the first powerful note, the union of all the instruments playing together, I was transfixed.  Music is overwhelming.  It evokes emotion and drama.  It speaks to each person on a different level.  It has the ability to transport you to a different day, place and time.  With each rise and fall of the notes I could feel my heart swell.

 

I know it takes years to develop that skill...to master an instrument.  So it was with hopeful breath that I watched my Big Chick make her first squeaky sound.  Who knows it could be her thing or not;)  Either way my heart soars...

Have a blessed day.

103.  flowers from a friend.

104.  cows and clocks in the mail;)

105.  a friend's dream becoming reality.

106.  fluffing my nest with all things fall.

107.  crossing things off my to-do list.

108.  the smell of sandalwood.

109.  cuddle time with my family.

110.  finally being able to park my car in the garage:)

111.  flu shots

foxy momma

I love foxes.  My friend Suzanne loves them too.  This year for my birthday she got me this awesome fox t-shirt and then for a goodbye gift she bought me the sweetest fox charm necklace.  Don't you just love a friend who knows what you love?  Who tunes right into the things that make you happy:)




Every time I wear it I think of her.  My sweet little fox is curled up into a ball.  With the charm necklace came a pamphlet with the characteristics of a fox.  I misplaced that pamphlet in the move and the buying info, but if you want it let me know. 

My love of foxes began back in Minnesota. Our house was right on the edge of country. We lived right off a golf course and there were some woods and water around the course. Perfect little backdrop for a fox family.

One day we were driving by this outbuilding and saw the prettiest fox.  He was rolling on his back in the grass just like a dog.  He stopped and stared at us.  Just as fascinated in us as we were in him.  He was there with his whole family.  There were actual fox cubs!  Geesh where is your camera when you need it!!!

Isn't he cool?  The next time we drove by I was ready.  Camera in hand:)  And every time after that we looked for our fox and his little family. 

I decided my new header should be a fox.  Since they hold a special place in my heart it seemed appropriate.  When we came for our house hunting trip I noticed right away that foxes have a strong presence here.  There are neighborhoods, streets and farms all with fox in the name.  Tell me that isn't a sign;) 



I surprised myself that I figured out how to paint a fox.  That's not really my speciality.  I erased and started over at least a dozen times.  I gotta say I LOVE the way it turned out.  I threw in a plantation home and whole bunch of trees to represent the great state of Virginia:) 

Is there an animal that you hold dear??

Have a blessed day.

**Oh and I've been sllooowly adding stuff to my Etsy store.  I promise to have a give-away when it's all listed.  Check out some of the new goodies here.

 93.  friends who know what you love.

 94.  God's critters

 95.  painting something and it turned out exactly as I saw it in my head:)

 96.  the crisp fall air moving in.

 97.  jean jackets

 98.  hoodies

 99.  boots

100. Panera Bread's iced pumpkin shortbread cookies

101. the hoot owl card from my Kristine

102. Heather at Life Made Lovely for helping me with my blog design!

nature walk 101

It was a beautiful day here.  I met up with a friend for coffee and we headed to a nearby park for a little nature walk.   Nothing really makes me feel more alive than being outside with my camera.  Picking up on all the pretties that God puts along my path.

This new friend found me on the day I announced my move to Virginia. Tell me that wasn't a God thing;) We've met a few times... thrifted a bit, had lunch and today she took me to one of her favorite parks.





She's got two little ones.  Spending time with her makes me remember those days so vividly.  The work that is involved...oh my!  I paled in comparison to my friend in the patience department.  She's so soft spoken and kind.  She's a good momma.

I told my friend that lately I feel like I'm on a roller coaster.  One day I have the energy for 10 people.  I will clean my entire house, organize a Bunco group in my neighborhood, have someone over for coffee, go for a run etc...  The next day I stumble around and end up taking long naps to escape reality. 

I have struggled with depression in the past.  I know it's real.  I don't think I've got it now.  I'm just in this inbetween...rebuilding stage and quite honestly it's exhausting.  I remember the first couple of years in Minnesota.  There would be the occasional days of energy and then days of naps.  That's one reason I started this blog.  It helped me stay focused and gave me purpose. 

God speaks to me through nature.  A hawk always makes me feel His presence for some reason.  It's like our little unspoken symbol of provision and watchful eyes.   A log with it's years of growth so evident reminds me that each year leaves it's mark on us.  We are in a constant state of growing.

This happy little floating butterfly with part of it's wing missing really spoke to me.  I didn't notice it's wing until I edited the picture.  I never would have known it was gone.  It was flying perfectly...yet there obviously had been some sort of damage.  I'm a little bit like that butterfly.  I feel like a piece of me is missing.  I'm learning to navigate my way again and I know I'll be fluttering really soon.

My favorite part of the morning was when we were saying goodbye.  Brandee asked me if she could pray for me.  I immediately started crying because that's always been one of my heart's desires...to have a friend that will in person just grab your hands and lift you up to the Lord.  It blessed me so much!  He always knows just what you need...even if you don't.

Have a blessed day.

86.  hands to hold mine up in prayer.

87.  pumpkin lattes

88.  fuzzy fur trees

89.  a full Bunco roster!

90.  dark purple shiny nail polish 

91.  spray tan

92.  my camera...oh i love my camera:)