Not sure what happened overnight, but when I woke up this morning I didn't feel the weight. I didn't feel the dread. I felt excitement in it's place and a new acceptance. Maybe it was all of your prayers and well wishes:) Honey (who has been out of town on business) texted me about fives with little motivational speeches. I swear the same epiphany happened to him too. It was like he turned into Tony Robbins or something.
I think it just dawned on both of us that it's gonna be alright. This holding onto the past and comparing everything to what we once knew is over. He brought us here. He has a plan for us here. There is a greater purpose...one we don't see yet.
We've had some meltdowns prior to this great revelation though. We visited a gym over the weekend and something about that particular gym made us sad to the core. I can't really explain it. In the middle of my workout I found Honey and just wept on his shoulder. He knew. He was feeling it too. I love that in the middle of all this change we can cling to each other...that we will grow closer. That's such a perk to moving where you know no one. It really makes you rely on one another more.
Then there was the panic attack in Target the other day. The day when I all I could do was compare how different people looked than what I was used to in Minnesota. I've posted about all the "perfect" people here before. Well it's become clear to me that we lived in a bubble...it was very much white, thin, upperclass...oh and young. You rarely ever saw an older person. It bugged me when I lived there, but I was used to it. So now I have to learn a new normal, and to be honest it's a good normal.
I want God to burst my bubble. I want to be free from any judgements or comparisons. I want to love people and see people like He does. Not from the outside in, but the other way around. I've been focusing on MY needs and honestly what I want my focus to be is on HIM. Only then will I find pure joy...only then will I find my place. So maybe that's why we're here...to get our bubble burst. Maybe we needed new faces and places to push us to grow. Lord knows that you only grow when you are forced, when it's uncomfortable. I feel another bloom coming:)
Hope you don't get sick of tree pictures. That's all I got baby;) See I still got a sliver of a sunset. It fed my soul just the same.
Have a blessed day.
First photograph is a Mary Engelbreit card.
