Friday, July 29, 2011

oxygen



As the house is starting to get put together, the first feelings of loneliness have started to set in.  I went to my first spin class this morning.  Amazing how you can be surrounded by people and still feel so isolated and alone.  The teacher walked around and asked if anyone was new and I threw up my hand SO fast...the only thing I can think is that I wanted everyone to notice me.  I wanted to NOT feel invisible. 



When she started her warm up music it was Oxygen by Avalon.  Have you heard that song?   I just let the words seep over me.  I drank them in. 


You are my oxygen
I breathe You in
I breathe You out
You are my oxygen
You are my love
You are what life's about
I take each breath as if it is my last
You never know what came so slowly
Could leave us, oh, so fast
I take each step as if it is to You
I hear Your voice
I feel Your presence
In everything I do





That song is exactly how I feel right now.  I need the Lord so much.  I am so vulnerable and exposed.  He is my air and without Him I would wither and die.  Actually it's a good place to be.  This dependence is almost like a newborn with it's momma.  I am waiting for Him to supply my every need.  I am waiting for Him to open every door and make every step known.  I hope I don't forget to come back to that place when this hard part is easy someday.



This sign was the first thing we hung in the house.  I got it right before me moved, at Home Goods for like $6.00 or something.  It makes me happy.  It's hanging right by the door to the garage.  It's the last thing we see as we leave the house.  Love that!





It's so fun to put rooms together.  As I opened every cardboard box it was like Christmas.  Oh I love this.  Now where am I going to put it??  How often do you get to completely take down everything and mix it all up? 


I used to have that red clock in our laundry room, but it looks great on the mantel.  I have a spot for my church pew.  It's perfect.  I found that cool yellow ruffled pillow at Target.  I saw it recently on the cover of some magazine and thought it was so pretty.  Looks great on the denim. 




Here's a little side table in my living room.  Kristine got me that owl for my birthday.  There's a baby owl too. 


It's coming together...my new place.  I love every room.  I'm having fun picking out paint colors and trying to decide where to put everything.  It's right about now I could use a designer or at least another pair of eyes to give me advice (other than my kids and honey). 


I have a lot of pretty things...it's putting it all together that's hard.  The curtains still need hung and the anchored stuff needs put up.  I'm to the point where I can't do anything but wait on my Honey, and I don't want to be a nag.  Lord knows his plate is full with work stuff, but I'm SO impatient.  I want it all done.  I want every room to be complete.  I want my house to be in order...in more ways than one:).  Patience is a bugger.






Have a blessed weekend girlies.

 


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50 comments:

  1. you are right where you're meant to be! I love seeing this all unfold. It's so familiar and yet it feels so far away...this weekend it's been one year since we moved. Seems impossible!!

    Cling to him and you will emerge completely better for it. I am loving your house already!!!

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  2. It's all looking good - so far. Love your stuff and your style. :)

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  3. Decorating would be my favorite part! I know what you're saying about waiting on the hubby, why do you think it took so long to hang up the kids' pics you made?! lol! It always gets done though! And I SO need those owls for Brother's room! Any clue where they're from? Hugs!

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  4. PS...I found something perfect for you today! Hope to get it in the mail by Monday!

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  5. Everything looks beautiful! I love the owl. Owls are the sign that God uses to communicate with me. He's so cool like that. :)

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  6. I needed to read your post today. I need to turn to Our Lord when I'm feeling invisible or unloved. He loves me like no one else can love me. I needed to remember this today. Thanks. :)

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  7. Just finished lunch with Suzanne and we talked about you....I shared my worries for you.....I know all this change stuff is hard on you, please be patient, you will get there.

    Happy to know you were at a spin class! I remember fondly spinning next to you - see how that risk I took paid off! Sounds like you took some too.

    xo~Jill

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  8. We've been in our new home about a month and a half and some days are lonely. But I also kind of like the peacefulness of the days. The phone doesn't ring very much when you're new in town. Other days are a delightful surprise when you get to spend time making a new friend. I pray that you are all settled in soon and blissfully happy in your new home and town!! :)

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  9. Aww. It's all looking good. And what a great find from the Home Goods!

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  10. Our home is where we feel control, but so hard when we aren't settled in. I feel for you there!

    You are so courageous to go to spin class already and put yourself out there - a true Brave Girl.

    You're loved my many all over, even if that community doesn't know you yet. It will happen!

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  11. Oh my goodness I love your church pew!! So fun!

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  12. I'm so glad you came to spin today...you know, I just made that profile this morning. I love that song-Oxygen. I actually thought twice about putting it in, because I sometimes use it too much...but God knew you needed it today! We should get together for lunch or coffee one day...I'm always looking for a good cup!

    I'm waiting to hear back from the other instructor who goes to a church closer to you...but you are always welcome to check us out...may be worth the drive until you find a home!

    BTW...LOVE the blog and the church pew!

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  13. So I just spent about 10 minutes writing a post and it's gone...grrr....

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  14. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  15. It'll all come together, promise.
    Mind you, we are still living in boxes and nothing has been hung on the walls. But you? You will be just fine. :-)

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  16. I'm loving how your room is coming together.
    It's not as easy here since we are living in the apartment for 6 months prior to getting our base house. I want to have everything unpacked. I want to buy perfect pieces for each room, but I'm accepting my minimalist look right now.
    The good news is that I was craigslist surfing and found end tables and a sofa table that appear to match our current coffee table amazingly so we are going tomorrow to take a look at them and get one, the other, or both! That's exciting!
    Biz

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  17. You sound so much like me ~ I have little or no patience when moving in and then come to a standstill when I need help with something. I remember one particular move that was very hard on me and I broke down into tears when I asked Trev to do something and he snapped at me. I said that I was only trying to make this house our home! We got everything done but I think you get the picture. Love that pew Becky ~ it is so you. Have fun nesting and have a wonderful week-end. xo

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  18. Ohhhh Becky ~
    I so know how you feel! When we moved from
    our family in California to Texas ... I remember
    going out to eat with my then two little girls and seeing all of the ladies out to eat TOGETHER with their kids ~ I was all alone ~ so very alone!
    It was not a good feeling at all!
    It won't take long though before you will meet people and it will feel like home ~
    Thank you Jesus that He is always carrying us!!

    xoxo
    Lori

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  19. Praying and praying and praying for you.

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  20. Trust, Becky! :) You are right where He wants you to be because you are going to meet some incredibly spiritual and supportive friends very soon! I guarantee it! And don't forget....we're ALL here for you, sweetie. ♥

    xoxo laurie

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  21. Hi Becky ~ I love your blog. I moved into my new house a year & two months ago & I'm just getting ready to tackle the mounds of boxes still in the garage. I remember packing things but right now everything I need is already in the house so God knows what's left in there. And so the fun begins. It's a stressful journey but in the end so worth it. Try to soak in every moment. And take pictures! So much fun to see how far you've come from that first day. Good luck!!

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  22. I can remember after moving here to Charlotte, having tears drop on my yoga mat because I felt the same way. It is such an emotional roller coaster! Excitement over a new town yet a feeling of loneliness and despair over what was left behind. It does get better. Just turn every sad moment + worry into a prayer and it will be better before you know it. It just takes time. Oh, and I have those same ruffle pillows....love them!!

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  23. Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog. We've moved to Ilinois. We're very happy to not be spending another summer in Las Vegas!

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  24. Your house is looking beautiful. My honey always gets mad because I am impatient and just hang stuff myself. We can laugh about it now because everything is hung. :) Love that your instructor commented.

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  25. it's sure coming together, sweetie...and i definately made enough today for a ticket ;) hmmmm....

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  26. I have been praying for you daily as I walk out the front door smiling each time I walk past my beautiful painting you did of my home,my favorite treasure out of everything I own,and the firstthing I hung on our walls 2years after moving into this house,so afraid of making it permanent but ifoundcouragewiththat masterpiece and have slowly been adding holes to my walls. My heart aches for your loneliness I understand it so very well it makes me want to cry,I am so proud of you for being so brave and strong and your faith and courage are a beautiful thing I so admire in you.I hope and pray that you will find peace in all of this very very soon and that your new home will be such a place of happiness.god bless
    Siobhan

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  27. Wow, you're doing great! A beautiful home almost outta the box and already going to a spin class! I'm jealous! ;-) I often feel like you bout needing a girl friend close at hand to help me fluff my nest... Mine are all a bit of a drive and when we do manage time together we end up just gabbing the time away and forget our "projects!" I'm sure you'll have lotsa new friends very very soon. And those gorgeous girls of yours will bring many more... Enjoy the end of your summer together. Soon you'll be rushed n overrun with friends n activities.
    hugs,
    Leslie

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  28. Oh Becky, how you've decorated here is so beautiful and so you. I love it! I know exactly what you mean when saying you can still feel lonely in a room full of people. This used to confuse me, since I'm a mostly sanguine personality, wondering why I still felt lonely in a crowd of people. Then I realized there are some voids that only God can fill and if we were never a bit lonely we would not need to know God on a deeper more intimate level.

    I am so proud of you for already signing up for a spin class in your new community. Behind all of this newness, there are wonderful surprises including some wonderful new relationships you are going to have. Not only a surprise for you, but those who meet you will be blessed on their end also in heartfelt relationship ways. It's gonna happen. Praying for you and for that new close girlfriend you are going to have in your future.

    ♥Lee Ann

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  29. been thinking of you, becky. patience is not my strong point, not at all so i completely get it. things are looking great though!

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  30. I love what you said about opening your boxes and it being like Christmas and loving what you have and looking for the perfect spot.

    We are doing a major renovation and I had to pack up my house. I know that there are many things I packed that I do not love. So, when I unpack I think a lot of things will be given away and I am going to look for things that I "love" to make my home more of a home that we as a family love.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  31. i have that song in my head now. : ) i love it.

    your house looks beautiful already... the side table looks lovely. the owl is adorable! i'm impatient too... i want to see more!

    praying for you to find a friend this coming week.

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  32. Hi Becky - I know your feelings...we moved 18 times in 20 years of my husband's military career...always starting over in a new place...always seeking out new friends...where is everything...where is everybody?.....and I had days I hated it, days I loved it and everything in between...but we looked at it all as a new adventure and our plaque read...BLOOM WHERE GOD PLANTS YOU....still try to live that out every day even now that he is retired but working harder than ever, and we moved back home to CA...now I have lived here almost 6 years, I have to clean the closets...no more using 'well we are moving soon' as an excuse!

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  33. Your place is
    coming together,
    and your new
    life will, as
    well....Remember:
    FAITH.
    Love you,
    xx Suzanne

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  34. Hi Becky, it was so good to read your blog tonight. I needed to hear how you have been doing and there you were. :) I love the black sign that you now have hanging in your garage. I have many signs in my home.....it's just one of my things. I love taking photos of signs too. Your living room looks as though it is coming together beautifuly.Take each day one day a a time. You will have everything put away and where you want it before you know it. Looks as though you have all ready met someone in your new town. I hope you go for coffee together soon. Thinking of you and praying for you. Thank you for letting us all know how your doing. Now just breathe in some of that Oxegyn.

    Mary

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  35. Hey, I've tried to comment so many times, not sure if this will work or not.
    Anyway, please email me...I have a question about your MN house!!
    toddandshelly (at) gmail
    THANKS!!!!
    PS, I adore denim covered couches...love!

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  36. owls are one of my favorites.. and he's a cutie! glad you are having fun decorating. and, any chance that's an american family gym? i don't even know if they are still there, but they had several locations around richmond and it's where we used to workout... memories. :)

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  37. it's gonna seem like I came as a stalker and read all of your comments, but I didn't. Promise. But, when I started to scroll down to add my comment, it stopped on the comment that Jen Yates left, and when I read it, my heart beamed knowing that someone there wants to meet you for coffee or lunch. BEAMED.

    The Lord is with you every step of the way....every single step of the way.
    The hard part is starting over and being your truest self and letting people in and giving yourself away. You can do it, HE is with you.

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  38. I love everything you've done so far- I'm very partial to touches of yellow and red, and I have got to see the ENTIRE church pew!! How on earth can you tease me like this girlfriend? How?!

    Alright, getting serious now... I have been in seasons like you are in so many times Becky, and I know exactly what that "throw my hand up in the air so someone notices me" feels like! I am just praying for you a precious, close, sister friend. I know she's out there!

    I love you so. PS- we had sun for two days. Woke up to rain today. I swear... Adrain's big day is tomorrow... we are very nervous/hopeful/excited/prayerful today...

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  39. He...guided them by the skillfulness of His hands. Psalm 78:72
    You are so brave to put your hand up:) and what Tara said is just what I have been thinking lots about lately
    to be your truest self and letting people in and giving yourself away. It takes time to find those who will be their truest selves and you will be brought together and it does take time and you are in the safest place possible...depending on Him for every breath...but you put your hand up:)
    xo

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  40. Becky,
    You wrote on my blog about a year ago and it made me feel like a SUPERSTAR! We've moved a couple of times in the past few years and I realized that "home" is not a physical description. My home is wherever my family is and the fact that we are "together" is really all I need. I wish I could reach out and hug you and let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  41. My 18 year old son, Ben is in Sweden for 2 weeks with Hockey Ministries International, helping at 2 hockey camps. He was super brave and went all by himself...hes been there a couple of days and is feeling a little homesick too....knowing he is maybe having a hard time of things makes me get that yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach too.. I know the same God who is taking care of you will be taking care of my Benny as well. His dad and grandpa will be meeting up with him on Aug 13th in Zurich and then they will be spending another 2 wks seeing the sites. I am praying for him and you tonight :) Your house is going to look amazing!! and you will make some new friends before you know it!! Take care!

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  42. It's all coming together! Your home looks gorgeous and I love seeing what you doing to make it yours!
    Hope you are feeling more balanced about being in your new location... Been thinking of you.
    xo,
    Lulu

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  43. What I can see looks beautiful. I wish I could drop on over and check it out...I would if I could. I am praying for you and I know this time will pass.

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  44. Your new home is beautiful. What an emotional journey. I look forward to watching your new house become a home. We can feel the coziness through the computer screen.

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  45. Glad to see you are enjoying decorating and trying to embrace your space and your town. You will get there sooner than you think. .

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  46. i have read this time and time again since you posted it. we are in the same place. it's for very different reasons, but the comfort of depending on God for each breath and step, it's what's getting me through :)

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  47. Becky, congrats on your move! Your home is going to be fabulous, heck, it already is ; ). Stay strong, and as you already know God is by your side in this journey of your life!

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  48. I love your clocks and I love that all your stuff feels so you. You know? It has warmth and energy... and color!

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