Thursday, November 18, 2010

The push for perfection

When we moved to the Twin Cities it was clear that I physically didn't really fit in.  There is a pretty big population of Scandinavian people here.  And by people I really mean women...they are tall, blond, thin and athletic build.  I am short, dark, not naturally thin etc..  After a while I kind of stopped noticing it, but lately it's been annoying me again.

When I go to the gym the women look like they just stepped out of a fitness magazine.  Every hair is in place, the outfits all match and look expensive, makeup is applied.  I applaud them for the effort that must go into looking so good sweaty, but I just don't have it in me to compete.  As I cautiously walk up the stepmill machine, the girl in front of me (all sinewy and ripped) is running up the stairs.  It's exhausting honestly and I don't know what to think about it.  Confusion is a better word.  Do I push myself to try and keep up, or do I just give in knowing that it really isn't a reality?

I just started a new bible study recently.  We are reading Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow and today's chapter was called "content to be me".  The author had us focus on three scriptures.

Psalms 139: 14-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

This is my favorite passage in the Bible.  When I was in high school I gave a poem recital and the teacher let me use this chapter for my speech.  It speaks to me because NOTHING makes me feel more special than the realization that God created me...ME!  He knit me together in my mother's womb.  He knew the plan and path my life would take.  He lovingly created me just the way I am.  As comforting as that is, I was surprised to find out that others in my group didn't feel the way I did.  These scriptures made them uncomfortable...because they struggle with who they are and I guess why God made them the way he did. 

These scriptures somehow give me relief and take off pressure.  They remind me that I am an original.  There is no one just like me.  He meant to make me the way I am.  He loves me and so should I.  It also changes how I view other people because if God made "them" a certain way...who am I to want to change "them" etc...  Does that make sense?  So instead of comparing or competing with others who are not me, I'm changing my focus and purposely praising him for his handiwork.   It's not an easy task...especially if you struggle with certain things about yourself...but the Master loves every little hair on your head.  He of course put them there...why wouldn't he?:)  Isn't that an amazing truth!



Have a blessed day.

Picture is taken from a Gap store front.
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