As an adult my weight has fluctuated. At one point I weighed more than my Honey! I know!! And you wonder why I keep a close eye on it (#operationzipthosepants). The difference between how I grew up and what we do in our home now is that weight is not discussed. We talk about being healthy...we focus on eating right and moving. We limit sugary sweets, fast food and provide plenty of good stuff to snack on.
Back in the day I don't know if they really knew what to feed us. Seriously Twinkies, Ding Dongs and junk were the norm in my house. My honey grew up eating powdered sugar donuts and hot chocolate for breakfast. He wore Husky jeans...remember those?? Hmmmm wonder why he's so disciplined now?? That husky tag must have scarred him for life;)
I never really liked how my body looked growing up. Obesity ran in our family and I had to really watch it not to fall into that category. I remember hating on myself at my 8th grade graduation. I wasn't even heavy, but I remember crying because of how bad I thought I looked:(
In high school I thinned out, only to gain it all back in our early years of marriage. Have you ever heard of the Master Cleanse? I used to take laxative teas and drink a strange lemonade/cayenne pepper mix to detox and shed weight. Not the best method by the way. All of that to say most of us have some sort of history with food. Most of us have experienced a diet and/or not been happy with our body image. Maybe even done something extreme or dangerous to lose it.
I'm in a different place than I was all those years ago. I don't look at myself and feel sadness or hatred. I look at myself and feel love. Sometimes I get frustrated because my weight doesn't respond to what I'm doing, but it's out of a caring place. I want to eat right and exercise, not only to look good and feel comfortable in my clothes, but because I love my family and want to take care of myself for them. I also do it because I'm aging and I want to be healthy and not struggle with disease.
It can go either way for people...this desire to lose weight. It can obviously become an unhealthy obsession and take over their lives. My friend Emily Wierenga struggled horribly with anorexia. She's one of many of my friends who've experienced an eating disorder.
Emily has written an amazing book called Chasing Silhouettes. I'm so very proud of her for using her history...her past...to help others. It's a valuable resource...if you or someone you love is hurting in this area. She's offering one copy to a reader, but I'd like to encourage you to purchase a copy for your school, church, youth group etc...
You can buy it HERE. Her story could help so many. To enter the give-away just leave me a comment telling me your history with food. Any twitter, facebook, blog post etc...gets another entry:) Thanks for spreading the word.
Have a blessed day.
792. my parents are coming tomorrow:)
793. a forced break in my routine
794. two lovely women i'm meeting today
795. loving myself flaws and all












Hi sweet thing!! I snuck on here before breakfast!! Great review... similar past myself but you already know that.
ReplyDeleteI want to chat with you for a minute today but Ava has her big allergy test so I'm not sure... and I know your parents are coming tomorrow and then I WON"T be able to chat! I'm going through withdrawls!! LOL
Are you all ready for your sweet parents? I feel like your busy season just began as of tomorrow. Do you feel like that? I think you need to give me your itinerary for the next two months or something so i can keep track of ya! LOL
Adrain still hasn't heard about that job. Girl... it's freaking me out. I know he didn't get it... there's no way after what he told me... but I wish they would just let us know so we could move on mentally!!
Okay I wrote you a postcard. See? Missing ya.
LOVE You my precious friend.
WAs I first??? I think I was!
ReplyDeleteI was second too. FYI.
ReplyDeleteI'll stop now.
ReplyDeleteI took laxatives to fit into my wedding dress. ugh! can't believe i did that. ;(
ReplyDeleteit's amazing, the crazy things we do to look thin. i can totally relate. bless you lissa, e.
DeleteThat is an awesome post and you are so right. Thank you for creating #operatinzipthosepants. You certainly gave me the "nudge" to start and I'm loving it but not going crazy with you. Have a wonderful time with your parents. xo
ReplyDeleteobesity runs in my family, too. my mom was a single, full-time working mom for so long, that it was just easier for her to grab us happy meals. and then when my dad died, when i was 9, food was my comfort. i got so chubby and big. finally middle school came and i did something about it. played soccer, starting running. but i also limited my calories to 600/day. how insane is that. i was 105 lbs for all of high school. until i met kelly... then we decided it was fun to eat together. : ) now i'm average and trying to be content with that while exercising regularly. there's a freedom in not worrying about food and weight, but rather focusing on being healthy!
ReplyDeletei love your attitude, carissa... trying to be content... that's where i'm at too. bless you, e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteMy food issues are kind of opposite of yours. Growing up we always ate really healthy. My mom made things like carob chip cookies instead chocolate chip...ugh, it was horrible! I was always super skinny, so much so that I would beg my mom to buy me something, anything, to help me gain weight, but she wouldn't. I was so self-conscious. Now, the bad thing is that as I've gotten older I've started gaining weight, particularly the last few years and it's so depressing for me and causes me to think about food all the time because it's so hard for me to lose weight. Like you, I do think it's important to focus on health rather than thinness though.
ReplyDeletemy mum was super healthy growing up too. it is definitely a challenge. i think focusing on health, though, versus thinness, is the way to go. bless you, e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteI don't look at myself and feel sadness or hatred. I look at myself and feel love.
ReplyDeleteoh becky, i love this. thank you for being so honest and real.thank you for those photos. thank you for shedding light on such an important subject. love you.
first off, I'm a little distracted because I am totally loving your new profile picture here on your blog - how awesome a shot is that?
ReplyDeleteI grew up with a friend who was gorgeous inside and out, yet, thought of herself as not at all like that - and was diagnosed with anorexia - it was a terrible thing to watch her go through - she isolated herself from others and didn't let anyone in, not even the Lord
you are beautiful Becky - just the way you are - but I totally understand getting fit and eating right (I used to be a personal trainer)
peace + blessings,
Anne Marie
oh anne marie, i ache for your friend. for all women like her. bless you, e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteI hear you weight has always been an issue with myself.Though I never talked about it or made a big deal about it.My oldest now struggles with an eating disorder and it consumes her entire life.We have tried all sorts of counseling and she simply is not ready!
ReplyDeleteMaybe this book would help her, if she would read it!
~Cheers Kim
dear kim, my heart aches for you... let me know if i can ever help you or your daughter. my email is wierenga.emily@gmail.com. bless you, e.
DeleteIt is so sad how weight affects so many. Just this week the newscaster that had a gentleman(not a word I would call him) comment on her weight on FB.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up weight in my family was a big deal. I was always on a diet and I wasn't even overweight. I actually got so thin once that my skin hurt. My uncle was always making fun of my cousin and I. He would make us cry. My mom still to this day (she is 85) is always on me about my weight. I eat healthy for the most part but I don't move around enough. I have medical conditions that influences my weight. My mother and others assume that because someone is overweight is always because of bad eating habits. Grrrrrr. Touchy subject for sure. Glad you aren't focused on this anymore.
"i actually got so thin once that my skin hurt." wow. this is powerful, debby. thank you for sharing, and may you know peace. e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteI've struggled with weight my entire life. Thanks for this honest, no holds barred, post. God bless you.
ReplyDeletei so appreciate YOUR honesty, girl. e.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt's always a topic on my mind unfortunately. I remember in high school my bff and i promised each other we wouldn't get eating disorders which in hindshight I think that was because we didn't want the other to be skinnier. I've thankfully never struggled with an eating disorder but when i put on the freshman 15/20 because I did not know how to stop eating when I was full, my mom made so many comments out of "concern for my health" that I wasn't happy with my body til I had a short-term illness that helped me get back now to my goal weight. Even though I'm now happier with my body, it's a struggle for me to see that being the case if I gained weight again. it's more an acceptance out of being pleased with my weight, not an acceptance that would be there if I gained 10 pounds. Now, as a runner, i must battle the lie "that i run so I can eat." Rambling over. Though the reason I hope to win a book is for my roommate and best friend, whose sister has struggled with anorexia for years. I hurt for their hurt.
ReplyDeletei battle this too, melissa, this compulsion to run. and i ache for your roommate and best friend... let me know if i can ever help. my email is wierenga.emily@gmail.com. bless you, e.
DeleteMy history with food..hmmm....I was the skinny girl. Sounds good right? Nope. I was the shortest too. Til sophomore year of high school when I grew a foot in one year. I was very skinny...couldn't help it. Even in my late 20's, I couldn't hit 120 if I tried.(I'm 5'6"). Then I had 2 babies, and I have spent the past few years trying desperately to get back to breaking the 130 mark. I am close....133.... You definitely motivated me a few weeks back, and I have lost 5-6 pounds.. I need to find more exercise time.
ReplyDeleteoh friend, bless you. thank you so much for sharing. e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteOk...so yes..The weight thing. I did not break 100 until college and that was because I started dating Aaron and he said i need to drink dark beer...more calories and he was right. No he really was. Once I was at a healthy weight i didnt get sick as much and my body was able to deal with college stress. I never ate in restaurants. Hated them. I just had a bad relationship to food. I could not relax around people and food..weird. After the four kids...I was still ok...but then the 40's hit and man are they not kidding. Its like hitting a brick wall. Great post my friend...smooches.
ReplyDeleteoh joannie, i totally understand this. praying you find freedom ... e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteOnce again I am in awe of your honesty and grace. Your vulnerability and transparency is like balm in Gilead to the hearts of those of us who are well acquainted with the burden of the battle of weight issues. You are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYou are so beautiful,
ReplyDeleteinside and out and I
hope you know that and
treat yourself with only
kindness.
I was a dieter in high
school...used to try the
weirdest things. I'm
surprised my folks went
along with it, as at my
highest I was 132, and
that's at 5'10" !! When
I started college I weighed
116 pounds. Ugh.
xo Suzanne
thank you for sharing suzanne. may you know hope and healing. bless you, e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteYou hardly even resemble that young girl in the pics...although I did spy some of big chick in that graduation picture! It's a tough thing, weight and body image. I wish we could all be comfortable in our own skin.
ReplyDeleteI wish for this too, friend. Bless you, e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteThis is so good! I'm struggling with the fact that I'm going to have four kids in six months and how on earth am I going to lose the baby weight?!?! Kinda stressed about that :-/ one day at a time ....
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard, I know... but you're right. one day, one mouthful, at a time... e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteI have never done anything weirdly unhealthy ... but I have been on way too many diets.
ReplyDeleteBecky ... your new profile picture is so fun.
Fondly,
Glenda
bless you glenda. may yo know peace, e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
Deletegreat post, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteRochelle
Wonderful and powerful post...so happy to have found your blog via Honey Holden on Instagram today.
ReplyDeleteMany blessings,
jennifer
I was anerexic in high school, then over the years got up to 247. my husband deployed in Febuary and when he came home 2 weeks ago I surprised him by losing 78 pounds. I could not wait to show him and surprise him. I do not live without anything. It now is how I eat and what I eat. This is a lifestyle change. It is amazing how it gets easier now that I know what I want. I still have more to lose. I would be lying if I said that i do not let it control my thoughts some times
ReplyDeleteit is so hard not to let the thoughts control... so appreciate your honesty friend. bless you. e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteI love the honesty in your post, Becky. It takes a BIG heart to write from the heart. My weight has been up and down since I had my last child. After being so skinny as a child and into my 30's, in my minds eye I still see a small person. Looking in the mirror is painful. I've tried so many diets and I have a million excuses for why they haven't worked. I tell myself it's what's inside that counts but then I get depressed when I look at the numbers on the scale. I have never had an eating disorder and I applaud those that have overcome them...and those that now look back at crazy diets and methods and can laugh a little. I have a long road ahead of me to lose the weight I am at, but mostly, I'm working on being happy with myself in any shape and size!
ReplyDeleteXO,
Jane
I loveyour honesty and how you opened up about this sensitive issue! I have pretty much the exact same picture and dress of me at my 8th grade graduation in 1987! :) I was overweight as a child and then lost 53 pounds in 8th grade because I was petrified to go to high school overeight. I lost the weightin a heatlhy way though. I have always had to watch my eight but kept it off until becoming pregnant with the girls. I have about twenty pounds to go, but like you said, I am content and patient with the weight loss. I lost ten pounds just this year. It comes off slowly and then stalls. Now my motivation to lose weight is not so much to be thin, but to be healthy!
Deleteoh jane and kerri... thank you for sharing here. i love how we've all been redeemed, in different ways, finding healing in spite of the pain. bless you. e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
Deleteyou are so honest, and it's just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteyou don't take yourself too seriously....and I love that about you.
thanks for sharing part of your story.
i've got a history with food, too...like you said, most of us do.
i can't believe i've never shared that part of my story on the blog...hummmm.
i think that's the key, hey? opening up the gates of dialogue so we help our daughters know the difference between truth and a lie. bless you, e. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
Deleteplease read my last blog post... it is easier than repeating it here. Thanks
ReplyDeletehttp://www.sharono-somethingtothinkabout.com/
OH - I so, so relate. My mom did the watermelon diet, the cantaloupe diet, the red beans and rice diet... and I struggle - boy do I struggle. Love you!
ReplyDeletekate, my heart aches for you. thank you for sharing. emily. (www.chasingsilhouettes.com)
DeleteAlways a struggler here. My dad's side of the family has a long history of obesity. I think I've been overweight since 2nd grade. We were just big eaters and lots of processed food. There was always a push to loose weight, do more, exercise more. Remember the 20 minute workout on tv. For me - I've never been very successful at diets. About 12 years ago I did weight watchers and lost 80 lbs - In my head it was a lifestyle change. But then my job changed and my access to the supports of this new lifestyle changes and here I am now having gained it all + more back. I think about my weight every day especially now as a mother of an almost 7 year old - and the responsibility that comes with that. Fortunately, my daughter is from my heart, not my genes...and I don't think her biology contains obesity. Now, just to teach her a healthy lifestyle - something I'm still figuring out.
ReplyDeletelove emily and her style of writing. and that trailer! the video alone of her and her boys brings chills and tears, no words needed.
ReplyDeletei love that you put your photos and your story here. it's very empowering to those of us struggling today w weight issues. and i love your reminder about the lessons we teach, even wordlessly, to our girls. i lost 25 pounds a few years ago, 15 of it with weight watchers. i used to say, i'm not on a diet. i'm trying to eat healthier., so that i would send a better message to my daughter. being smarty pants she is, she said, well, then, why do they call it WEIGHT WATCHERS? snarky. :)
great post, miss becky.
Oh, Becky! This post just really hit home.....in more ways than I can explain here. I was JUST thinking about this topic the day before I read this. Wonder if I'll ever STOP! My weight and body shape is one of the reasons I still wear my hair long. Sounds weird, I know. Maybe one day this will be just one of the topics we can cover over coffee :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your parents! You are so blessed, as you already know :)
oh, and if I dare say....please don't count my comment in the drawing. I pray that the book lands in the perfect hands...of someone who will truly benefit from it; perhaps even save a life!
DeleteYou always look great so I am honestly so surprised! I've struggled with weight all my life. I was bulimic since I was 12...now I keep it healthy...we don't talk about weight, but my girls know I don't eat any junk. We don't have a lot of junk in the house, but my husband likes to have two cookies after dinner...it's his thing. Other than that it's healthy snacks.
ReplyDeleteI'm 43 and I have been suffering with bulimia all of my adult life. Wow I have never told anyone other than my husband let alone put it out there for total strangers to read. I'm in recovery at the moment and have been for several years. My issue with my weight started when I was little. I was always the chubby one and was told I would lose my baby fat some day. But for me that day never came. Thinking back it did but I always thought I was fat. My mother struggled with weight and tried every diet there was. She is now healthy but I paid the price for her struggles. I realize now it really isn't about weight for me but its more about me being in control of my body and my life. I'm at a good place now. I'm finally free of such a terrible disease. I exercise and eat really clean and healthy. I'm okay if I have a bad day and that for me is huge. I can't wait to read Chasing Silhouettes.
ReplyDeleteI was so nice and skinny until baby number seven and eight. Those two were c-sections and I have never been the same. I am so fat and my husband hates the way I look. I walk every day and then the rest of the day my feet feel like they are broke. I hate the way I look but just can't seem tp lose it.
ReplyDeleteSad to read your words filled with such self-hatred. What an amazing woman you are to have birthed so many babies! I had 2 c-sections as well and I agree, they are so different recovery-wise and the after-effects on our body. Hoping you can find some peace and kindness for yourself right here and now, even if you aren't at the weight you want to be. I'm trying to get there myself. Blessings.
DeleteHey Becky ~ I adore your new profile photo!! It is just so YOU!!! Sweet and healthy and happy!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you continue to blog about your weight journey, because I'm right there with you. I remember in junior high telling my mom, "I'll NEVER weigh more than 110!" She smiled knowingly. In high school, I was horrified to watch the scale creep to 119lbs. I felt fat. When I was in my 30s, I would look at women in their 50s and think, "Wow, look at the pot belly on her. I'm never going to let that happen to me." HA. Imagine my complete terror when at 50 (after being visited by Ms. Menopause), the scale tipped at 155. I've been battling that number for 4 years, and it took me 4 years to get my behind out the door and back on the road running again. I've watched my husband lose 20 pounds this summer and he looks better than I do. I hate that. :(
I logged 40 miles in September, and have been aiming for 4-5 workouts/week. I haven't seen the scale smiling at me quite yet (altho I know it will in time), but I feel more "balanced" and a wee bit more toned. It helps me make better decisions on what I put in my mouth during the day, too, because I don't want my runs to be for naught. With a spring vacation planned for March, I have a goal to work for. I'm just trying to figure out a way to run in the wintertime without falling and breaking a leg. lol!
Keep up the great work, my sweet friend! I've been keeping you in my morning prayer as I head out the door to pound the pavement! :)
Hugs ~
xoxo laurie
I think i used food to self-medicate for depression and anxiety
ReplyDeletea big portion of my life.....lots of bready carbs to calm down
and lots of sugar to "get up". I used the food like a drug.
I've been overweight on and off but mostly just pleasantly plump
and addicted. The addiction is the part that has hurt the most.
Having spent too much time on prednisone the last many years, because of
severe asthma, I'm finally following the advice of my nutritionist and
eliminating sugar, grains and dairy. The withdrawl symptoms have been
severe and emotional.
I miss my medication, honestly. But the extra air is encouraging
and I food will lose it's place as comfortor in my life.
It's a new day. I'm sad and hopeful all at once.
It's been 4 weeks. Grace....there is enough grace for this.
-Jennifer
I really never had to worry about my weight through school because I was so active, but then came marriage and children!!! I remember giving myself permission to eat lots of ice cream during the time of nursing our first baby girl...thinking she needed lots of vitamin D nourishment! ha ha ...but it stuck to my hips instead!
ReplyDeleteI can remember praying to God a few times to take my appetite completely away...But on another note, after that...I also became really ill, and in and out of the hospital in my twenties and thirties because of ulcerative colitis and couldn't eat at all without getting really ill. After that I never ever prayed that God would take away my appetite for all food again. At the age of 39 by the way, I was healed from my illness per God, the doctors and emergency surgery to save my life. I have been blessed to no longer have that kind of pain anymore. I am needing now to loose weight, but like you Becky, I am focusing more on becoming healthier rather than on naming it a diet. My main goal is to feel good physically and mentally about myself and to feel good as I continue to age. So I'm working on it!
♥Lee Ann
Just saw this post. thank you for writing about something that can be so shameful for women. It's good for us to talk about these things. Glad to hear you are at a much kinder place regarding how you feel about your body. I'm heading in that direction myself. Good to read your blog.
ReplyDeleteI am going to definitely come back to get that book (God Willing) Thank you for sharing. Aloha Raliegh
ReplyDelete