Sunday, September 11, 2011

walk on water

Last week was a bit of a struggle.  Not sure if it was the girls being back in school, the gloomy rainy weather, hormones or what but I was in a constant state of keeping score.  I've developed a bad habit of comparing Minnesota to Virginia all the time.  Shopping...MN wins.  Beautiful farm scenery...MN wins.  Sweet Frog...check goes to VA.  Comfort Food...VA wins.  It goes on and on.  I wish with all that's in me that I would stop.  It's not productive, but I have no idea how to turn it off.  I woke up one night this week in a panic.  Sweaty from head to toe...the homesickness so overpowering I wondered how I could move past it.

For some reason I keep thinking about Peter.  Remember in the Bible (Matthew 14:22-33) when Jesus walks out onto the lake and asks Peter to get out of the boat and walk to him?  Well first of all I think it took a lot of faith to get out of the boat at all, and initially he was doing it.  He was walking on WATER!!  Then all of a sudden he starts looking around...noticing the wind and the waves and it dawns on him that he is ON WATER and he starts to sink.  Jesus reached out his hand to keep him from going under and said to him "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"   He more or less scolded him. 

Now in my human capacity I'm wondering why on earth he was being so hard on him.  I mean if that was me my feelings would be hurt, but I have to remember that Peter had seen Jesus do countless miracles.  He had witnessed him heal the blind and sick...raise the dead...feed thousands with little to no food.  Peter had no excuses.  He should have had faith.  I haven't seen those things, but I believe with all my heart that they happened.  I believe them to be truth.  So why do I ever waver, doubt or worry?  Why do I sink?  I'm sick of sinking.  I want to walk on water.  I want with all my heart to run out to Jesus from that boat and say here I am Lord.  See I DID IT! 

(got the idea from this friend)

These are the scriptures we wrote on the walls of our garage before the painters covered them.  Just like these verses I want his truth to be on the walls of my heart.  I want his promises to be apart of my very being.  I know that in order for Virginia to become my new home I'm going to have to be patient.  I've had the fleeting thought of praying for patience, but we all know what happens when you do that;)  So here I am in my imperfect place...wallowing a bit.  Writing it out.  Praying for the faith to do the impossible and walk on water.  Trying so hard not to look to my right or my left.

Have a blessed day.

71.  a preacher who jumps up and down.
72.  worshiping free.
73.  blue sky
74.  my girls who go with the flow.
75.  lissa;)
76.  a country united.
77.  men and women who run into danger to save others.
78.  grace and forgiveness.

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