Monday, August 1, 2011

butterflies and building blocks

Today has been weird.  It started this morning when I woke up with a stomach full of butterflies.  It was the first day of Junior High camp for Big Chick.  I went to her room this morning and gave her a hug and asked her if she was nervous.  She said no.  Thank God because I was a basket case for both of us. 

We were a few minutes late.  We get to the room she needs to be in and it's quiet and full.  Every eye turns to look at her as she enters and she has to walk across this big room and find a place to sit...with complete strangers!  I swear I thought I was gonna die on the spot.  I was so nervous for her.  It was brutal.  I turned and walked away and the tears came.  Honey was like girl...get a grip.  It all just rushed in on me at once...this emotional journey of watching your child not only go from being just a little girl to finally in Junior High and then the overwhelming sense of wanting to cocoon and protect.  The not knowing.  Are the girls going to be nice?  Will she like it?  What have we done?  She was happy.  She had sweet Christian friends...good friends.  Oh Lord take her and protect her and in the process help me...cause I'm a complete spaz right now.

I tried to compose myself.  We had an appointment to register her with the guidance counselor, so with red rimmed eyes I entered her office and she was like a little angel.  Miss Debby could obviously see my struggle and kind of became our personal concierge.  Anything I could think of to ask her she jumped on.  We found names for Dr's, dentists, orthodontists, painters, vets, kennels and groomers.  She was so above and beyond kind.   I left there feeling taken care of. 

Then later I had the opportunity to meet up with a local blog reader of mine for lunch.  Again butterflies:)  When I got out of the car she recognized me and after we introduced our kids we hugged.  This may sound really strange, but I needed that hug.  You don't realize how important something like that is until you haven't had one in awhile.  But that hug felt good.  It made me feel known...even though I really wasn't yet.  We chatted and started the process of building a new friendship.  It's like building blocks.  It's a process.  It takes a lot of give and take, and sometimes quite honestly the thought of starting over and doing that again with people completely overwhelms me.  But it is worth the work.  It is worth the time.  I need friends like air.  I just do.  So that was my strange emotional day.  Oh and Big Chick did great.  She found a painfully shy girl who just moved here.  So begins the building for her too:)

Have a blessed day.

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