Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Bloom



I'm writing this post on Saturday because I know on Tuesday I'll be a blubbering mess.  I'm about to embark on a new chapter in my life. 







Ten plus years ago I had my first born and I remember that day like it was yesterday.  The choice to stay home and be a full time mom just fell into my lap when they placed her in my arms. 







For me it was like the decision had been made for me.  I wouldn't have known how to go out and get a job to save myself...my job was her.  I was beyond blessed to be able to have that option and am so grateful that my Honey felt the same way. 






Initially though it was hard.  I felt a little lost to who I was.  I missed people and interaction and feeling purposeful.  But as she grew...I grew into my role and before I knew it there was two.  That role of momma became me...became my new identity. 







I've been able to share every memory with them and watch them grow and it has been my joy and privilege to be mommy.  And I know that role is still mine...it hasn't gone anywhere, but it's changing.





Today they both get on the same school bus and disappear for the entire day.  I know that they will be learning and growing and becoming who they are supposed to be. 







I'm both excited and terrified.  Excited for new possibilities and scared because the old is passing away bit by bit.   I will have an entire day to myself.  I haven't had that luxury in 10 years.  I will be "creating" myself again.  Figuring out who I am and what I want.  It's going to be good.  I know it will. 





The same learning and growing and becoming is going to happen in me too.  I just know it!  The word bloom has been echoing in my heart as of late.  I feel that it's my time to open, stretch and grow to my full potential...whatever that may be.  It's going be interesting to see what God's been doing.  I trust Him.  Even though I've felt like I've been in a dormant stage for a while, I know He hasn't forgotten me...He's been working.  There is a Master plan.  I feel a BLOOM coming on:)






Have a blessed day.


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67 comments:

  1. bittersweet day indeed!
    you are such a good mama. those girls are blessed beyond measure & it sounds like you are too
    praying you have a sweet day
    :)

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  2. I bet you are so proud of your girls! Change always brings some sort of challenge, but in the end it's an opportunity for new and fun. You will find yourself, your new balance and when you do be happier than a bird with a french fry.

    Haha thanks for posting that btw! I love it!!! *hugs*

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  3. You'll be surprised
    how fast the days go,
    so hang on for the ride....
    It's always 3PM before
    I know it....and as mine
    have gotten older, that
    is when my "mommy" part
    of the day really kicks
    in! Before that, stretch
    your wings and bloom, my
    friend : ) as you have so
    many talents and the options
    are only limited by your
    imagination.
    Big hugs for the first day....
    for all of you!
    xx Suzanne

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  4. I've been through that same moment when I waived off my youngest a couple of years ago. It sort of felt like a page was turning, an axis shifted.

    Two years on, I think they need me more than ever in some ways, and I am always there for them first and foremost, but I have had time to rediscover myself as a individual rather than soley mum. I mourned the passing of an era in our family and my life, but wow, its been a really exciting time, very creative. For me, a small business selling flowers I grow myself, plus mentoring teen mums has 'bloomed' without me having to strive for it.

    Enjoy the 'blooming' too and be ready to be happily suprised!

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  5. saying prayers for you this morning...God will birth or bloom something in you in this next season....can't wait to see what it is!!!

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  6. tear, tear..... blubbering with you!

    Just beautiful. Time... space... new growth and new changes. BLOOM! Love it.

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  7. Becky, these photos in your post are AMAZING!! I love, love, LOVE the ones of the Chicks with the tractor in the field. It's so cute.

    You know, I hate to admit this... but I'm sorta (slightly)jealous. I'm still in the thick of it with a 3 and a 2 year old. I've got a long way to go...till the house is quiet for a whole day - days on end. But, before I really going down the "wrong road" in my thoughts and feelings... I need to stop and remember that I need to

    Bloom Where I'm planted. That is truly what came to mind - while I read your post this morning.

    I'm so happy for you. You'll [be] [brave] and [bloom] big. I just know it. ;)

    **notice, I used all the words that mean something to you lately, did I miss any??

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  8. Thanks for this post. It has blessed me. Before I had my daughter I had all kinds big plans and then I had her and all I wanted to do was be a stay at home mom. I believe that is what God made me for. I struggle with being a single mom having to work and take care of everything I do. But God is good and I am able to work very part time so I can be at home a lot. :) God bless! Amber

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  9. I hope you have a wonderful first day of school! It is a season of discovery and adjusting, and I pray you will bloom beautifully!

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  10. I'll be praying for you during this season of change! I'll be praying for your little ones as they go back to school too! May God Bless you greatly this first week! :)
    http://busybizblogs.blogspot.com/

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  11. It is a bittersweet day indeed! I hope that you have a great start to relearning about yourself and finding new things for you as well as your girls! They are heading into a big chapter in lives. My daughter was so nervous this year going into 7th grade. All these new things for her, sports, different classes, being separated from her long-time friends and the dreaded "talk" this year!
    You have always been inside yourself, and now God will help you bring 'you' out and this time you will have so much more knowledge, patience, understanding and love!! Have a wonderful day my friend!

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  12. I love your way with words! Almost a month ago, I sent all three of mine to school for the first time...I will look at this phase of my life with renewed power and hope. Blessings and thank you!

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  13. Sending you lots of peace and happiness as you rediscover yourself and your girls in the coming months. My "babies" are teens now, and it often feels like the universe is shifting...scary and exhilerating all at once!!!

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  14. The photo of the three of you is beautiful! I pray that this day goes well for you and you feel God's comfort!

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  15. Love the pictures:O) And before you know it 3pm will be here:O) Thank for sharing:O)

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  16. Oh my heavens. I'm going through the same thing right now! I've not had a day to myself in the last 14 years. I just finished my first week of being home - not homeschooling - not taking care of ill parents, etc. But just me. My ears ring from the silence. I cried for the first two days. You'll be so surprised that after about a week, you'll like it. You'll like that you can have a little time to yourself, and it fills up very quickly. Easy for me to say now that the first week (which I think is the hardest) has past, but make yourself a cup of tea, sit on the couch and breathe for a bit - cause in a week you are going to be so busy doing all the things you want to do - you'll wonder how you ever did it all before! Now - perhaps you should get some chickens. Just sayin'

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  17. "He's been working". I love your words and your heart. "That day" feels very, very far away for me, still, but I know that it'll be here before I know it!

    Can't wait to watch you bloom...

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  18. I stayed at home with 3 girls and I remember those days. The days fly by and then they are home sitting at the table with a snack and telling you about their day. As Jr high and high school come you will see that these are some of the most important times. Mine are all grown and married and I can't believe I am 51. Where did the time go?? God keeps working and I have embraced all the changes. Now I get to keep grandbabies a couple of days a week and it just gets better! Life is good, God is great!

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  19. Beautiful photography and words to this post...what a big day, a big next step in your life! Can't wait to see what kind of "flower" you become! :-)
    ~michelle~
    p.s. at school we use the symbol of a sunflower as a way to explain the children are growing and "blooming" through-out the school year, the kids each decorate a sunflower and we put a picture of them in the middle then pass it out to them at parents' night!

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  20. I cant IMAGINE what thats going to feel like - I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old and I cant even begin to think of how I will feel when that day comes! I think I will start making a list of all the things I wish I could do in my days, so when that time comes I will not feel lost LOL x

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  21. we are always becoming/blooming, aren't we? i'm trying to savor it all and keep moving forward, too.
    best
    deborah

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  22. Well, praying great light and hope in you today sweet Becky!
    Praying you joy...like deep kinda joy that cannot be dusted off!
    This is your time to bloom too. Know you are in my prayers as
    your girlies Mamma and letting go a bit, but also know you are in
    my prayers for what God has before you too. It is good. I know this
    to be true. Love you my friend. Hoping your day wonderful my friend.
    xo,
    me

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  23. What a great post Becky ~ I know it will be hard but I cannot wait to see what you decide to "be". I think you need to paint a big bloom and have your "be" in the center ~ hand it proudly as a reminder to yourself. xo

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  24. A new phase in your Mommy journey...oh the possibilities. I think it is sweet that you had to schedule the post. You are such a great mama and I'm sure they'll be missing you as well.

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  25. Love you honey!! Hope you're not blubbering... :)

    Enjoy the peace and quiet. I long for it...

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  26. This is a beautiful post. Every word, every picture. I will be thinking of you as you 'bloom'. I want you to know that I have been there and done that and have survived and lived to tell the tale!!! It gets easier and easier...May God hold you close as the changes come and go...

    always,
    mel

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  27. Becky,

    I can sooo relate to this...I only have one at home now, and I keep thinking it won't be long before I'm here all day by myself...and then what will I do? There's a part of me that's excited for that, but the other part isn't sure how I'll deal!! I hope you find it to be exactly what you need...to find yourself, to meet yourself each morning and spend the day loving you. :)

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  28. ~*LOVE your post Becky..so touching and sweet~ my oldest just started 8th grade this year and it seems like he was just my little guy..time flies too fast~*~

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  29. I love it when God gives us new opportunites to grow and bloom in ways we never expected.
    God bless on your new journey!

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  30. Very touching post- thanks for sharing! Saying a prayer for you!

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  31. You know I'm feelin' ya on this one! I think that each one of these test flights helps prepare you (and the chicks) for the big one when it's their time to truly soar. You've been blessed to have the last several years with them at home, and now it's time to share them with the world... and through them more of yourself.

    I wasn't able to stay home with mine, but now that she's in college, I'm thinking it's the perfect time to give it a try. Who says the kids have to be there to justify the mom being at home? :-)

    Enjoy the peace...

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  32. I have been a stay-at-home mom for twelve years now...more than my youngest daughter's lifetime. It has been a blessing, a challenge & a privilege! And it was hard at first when both my girls went off to school and I was left alone all day; but now, I enjoy the "me time" and look forward to 3:30 when the girls are home again:) Bloom & grow!

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  33. Dearest friend, first of all :) speaking of blog crushes ~ You, Meg and I all posted yellow flowers. I think it's a sign. :)

    I will be lifting you up in prayer today.

    Many blessings and warmn wishes.

    Sincerely,
    Kate

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  34. Well, whatever you bloom into...I know it will be a really beautiful one! Good luck in all that you choose! :D

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  35. First, I LOVE the song you have on here right now. I always crank it up in the car. Second- girl you are blooming. It has been in the works. It is a great joy to watch.

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  36. So sorry you're feeling sad! I know that day will come for me too, and I'm not excited. Is motherhood not one heartache, then one joy after another?? Thinking of you :)

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  37. Love the pictures! I hope you got a nap in...it was a great day for one.

    And I hope the girls had a wonderful day at school!

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  38. I am right there with you....with just 9 days under my belt with nobody home. It's weird. It's silent. I feel a little guilty, but then 3:30 rolls around and I'm busy busy busy loving them all. I feel like I'm able to attend to everyone a bit better than I ever have. Sometimes the silence is deafening, other days I embrace it. I'm painting, working out, creating, walking, writing, cooking, living in the moment, visiting elderly, and really breathing. It's good, and the timing is perfect. After 13 years, I needed time to breathe again. Hugs to you.
    julie

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  39. oh girl what an exciting time for you!! make the most of what god has given you and bloom, I see only goodness and brillance coming from what lies ahead of you, embrace it with all your heart!! and your girlies will see it too!

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  40. I know just what you mean. I wrote this blog maybe a week ago trying to explain that I had this Something happen to me back in 2008 when I was not awake, but not asleep either. I am always hesitant to say God was talking to me because I think people will think I am crazy. But it was something beyond me. And that Something said that all of the stuff I was going through was preparation for something bigger than even I could anticipate. And I got this picture in my head when I woke up. I knew what it was, or how it would start, and I had an idea where it was going. But I had no clue how to get there. I was/am still so sick. But I had faith. And nothing happened. So, when we moved, I set it aside and was thisclose to taking another job that would have made that project impossible. You know what happened? I got really sick. I couldn't take that job and I was reminded how important that project was. Am I saying that God made me sick? Not exactly. I think that God has a plan for my life that is bigger than me and my taking that job would have ruined that plan. I also needed reminding about the importance of the plan. Right now I am seeing it more clearly than ever. Why am I sharing this with you? Well, God has plans and you used the word "bloom."

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  41. This is just all heart! You know, latley these words are on repeat from my lips, "Where has the time gone..." I just can't believe that it is basically Fall already. Your kids are off to school and my oldest will start, a year from now. This is life and it is all beautiful!
    Bloom! Beautiful imagry. . .stretch your petals out! :)

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  42. Ah, letting go and moving on and changing...it's hard even when it's exciting and anticipated. Old Testament verses are running through my head....trees by rivers...and the Song of Salomon? Hmmmm, anyway, I'm sure that whatever you're becoming will be even more beautiful and amazing than you could imagine!

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  43. Sweet girl you are going to Bloom indeed! I hope and pray this day was easy on your tender heart and full of hope for what He has in store for. So glad we get to be here for you on this amazing journey.
    xoxo

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  44. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, and you are giving your girls the best gift ever!
    I know this is a bittersweet day, but I agree, you will bloom and blossom and become absolutely radiant before our very eyes!

    Big hugs,
    Anne

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  45. You are the most awesome momma! Your girls are so blessed that you were able to be a stay at home mother. If you ask me, being a mother takes more skill, patience, creativity, talent and love than any other job out there. So you see, you've been equipped through this for just about anything else you are called to do next. And wherever that path takes you, I just know it is going to be awesome because YOU are just plain AWESOME BECKY!!

    Your word bloom is on a journal I made in my Etsy shop. I'm going to make you a bloom journal as a gift and send it to you so you can write this next chapter down as you go. Okay with you?

    Hugs,
    Lee Ann

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  46. Awwwww what a sweet post! Blessings to you. You will continue to bloom and grow!!! I hope you didn't cry toooo long. Big hugs to u. xo

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  47. I like your word. I love how your role as a mama is so important to you!

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  48. Letting go on the first day is hard. I taught kindergarten for several years before staying home, and sometimes I would tear up when the moms had a hard time! For some reason this year I've been extra emotional as school starts: the sappy comercials, all the sweet cherishing blog posts, the projecting of my own feelings about my day of letting go in a few short years. Thank you for reminding me that so is the way of life, and all is as it should be!

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  49. oh what a bittersweet milestone! enjoy the days alone... although i'm sure you will spend most of that time thinking about your chicks. : ) i hope today wasn't too tough; i can only imagine what that will be like. praise Jesus for the opportunity to stay home with your babies! it's a major blessing and i'm so thankful for it, too!

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  50. This post is beautiful, as usual! I can't imagine how hard it would be to say goodbye to my boys each day. I too love that I get to be home, it is my privilage and joy! You are already so amazing! I am not sure how God will change and cause growth in your life, but in my opinion he is only perfecting a lady who is already so accomplished, confident, and super sweet down to the core! I know His changes in your life will be so good, and I can't wait to follow in your next journey! Chin up, your girls will always need you, you will always be there amazing mama! : )

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  51. I hope it was a good day!
    Your pictures here are so wonderful. It's poignant, for them to grow. Some days I want them to stop getting bigger and others I long for a quiet house, with no toys everywhere. But when that day gets here I am sure I will think,"I wish there were legos all over, and crumbs under the table." :)
    I look forward to what you have to share. :)

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  52. I am so with you girl! Exciting to see the plans God has for us unfold as our babies grow!! yet so emotional to see the times change too!! My little girl is turning 10 very soon as well ~ wasn't she just a wee toddler just a couple years ago?! I miss those sweet days...

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  53. AWWW Becky *hugs*~!! I know how hard that is!! You will find yourself just as busy with school activities I'm sure! Well I have anyways LOL!! It is so hard to watch our *little* ones grow! My J is a Junior this year and I cannot believe in 2 years he will be off to college!!

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  54. I know these feelings all too well- I love your heartfelt post and your photographs are beautiful- you have a light that makes you glow!

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  55. Ahhh...I'm praying for all of my mama friends who have sent their lil'ist ones off to school this year. My dear cousin Sonjia in Southern MN sent her sweet #3 off to preschool today. It was only a small amount of free-time but she said she didn't know what to do with herself. It will be so exciting to see what God has in store for ya'll!

    : )

    Julie M.

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  56. My heart is with you. My oldest is a few weeks away from 20 and my baby will be 10 in December. I treasure every second with them and cry like a baby when they go back to school. Every year without fail.

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  57. I hope you made it through the day! My youngest could have started kindergarten this year too... but I decided to keep him 1 more year at home (he JUST turned 5). I just keep thinking about how I'm finally going to be able to go to their school and help out in the classroom! I can't wait! :) (But... I work outside of the home some days too, so I'm sure I wouldn't feel the 'empty nest' emotions quite so deeply.) I know you're going to be great & I can't wait to see what all you create with your newly found free time! (BTW, I LOVE your blog header! Was it a painting of yours?)

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  58. Well how did you do? I'm sure you found plenty to do for yourself. Both my kids are gone all day and I still can't get it all done! I need to remember that laundry and dishes can wait. I need to discover me, so don't forget about you!

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  59. Bloom on, girl! Be blessed in the new season you find yourself in - I look forward to hearing all about it!

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  60. What a huge change- I just know it is going to be a great chapter in your life and I can't wait to hear all about it.

    Those pictures are so lovely and those girls are so lucky to have had you home with them.

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  61. This was so emotional and beautiful. I know so many of us can relate to your heart. I had this happen to me yesterday too but mine was my first, first day of school. My mind was in overdrive the whole day as I thought over the years when I took for granted having her right next to me each and everyday. Yesterday seemed like a day way far into the future and I found myself LIVING that day I thought would be so far off. Love to you sweet friend from your friend who so gets it.

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  62. How well I remember those first weeks of having free time, all to myself. Intoxicating.

    I'd love you to link up to my new Simple Pleasures series some Thursday. We're a friendly crowd.

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  63. oh friend... my heart aches... i cannot imagine this day, when my aiden leaves.. and yet, pain is a fertile soil, no? and you bloom...

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  64. Oh, you are wise to look for the opportunity in this season of change. My heart breaks when I think about my oldest going off to school, let alone my youngest! Those will be hard days. But you are so right... Now is a time for YOU to blossom!!!

    http://www.farmergalsmarket.com

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  65. The girls are so beautiful and you look like you are 10 years old. Oh my heart. So young and beautiful! And look, 64 comments. Clearly you are a blogging super star : )

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  66. Sweet Becky!! I so know how you feel. It is such an amazing transition INTO motherhood and now that school has come along, it seems as if we're stuck with ourselves again....but still a Mom..it is such a strange reality!

    If I were there, I would have dashed right over, brought some coffee and sat and cried with you. Ok, maybe I would bring wine instead....seems to help a little better with the sniffles. Oh, and I don't drink coffee anyway. ;)

    xoxoxo - Enjoy this new role, Mama!

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  67. i love the way you put that...you feel a bloom coming on. I feel like I know just what you mean.....something big and wondeful is just around the corner that will forever change who we are in the best of ways!
    I know you will settle into you new role and whatever your beautiful "bloom" will be!

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Thanks for taking a minute to share your thoughts. I love hearing what YOU have to say:)

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