This is the post I shouldn't be writing. The one where I'm at my computer weeping as I type. Wishing I was less emotional. That I wasn't a complete basket case all the time. Wishing I could care a little less. Not hold on so tight. Wondering why I'm wired to feel so much...
Our sweet neighbors across the street are moving. I can't even believe that I'm typing this. It all happened SO fast. Boom! They are leaving us today. Heading to Texas. I'm really surprised that I'm taking it this hard. That it hurts this bad. I'm horrible with goodbyes, but more than anything I'm dreading the hurt and longing that is coming my little chick's way. The summer without her constant companion at her beck and call.
They have three little girls and Bree was my little chick's bestie. From the second we drove into our new Virginia home Bree was at our doorstep. Asking to play every single day. She was the perfect distraction. The perfect transition to leaving Minnesota behind. In one gallant swoop the Lord provided just what my girl needed. What we needed. Their sweet Christian family instantly provided a feeling of safety...of not being alone here.
I sat in their living room last night visiting with the mom. It was the first time I'd ever sat on her couch:/ We had gotten together for dinner a few times. We'd walked the neighborhood as a family at Halloween, waved daily across the street, chatted at our mailboxes...borrowed sugar etc... But nothing super close and every day.
And as I sat there I kept wondering why I didn't make the time to invest more in our friendship. Why didn't I pursue her more?? Why did I hole myself up in my studio so much when we could have been sipping sweet tea on my porch swing?? I took her for granted and now she's leaving:/ Have I stopped trying? Am I guarded? Is the time investment, and possibility for pain and heartache too much for me anymore?? Why are the online...long distance friendships so much easier? Am I too busy? I don't know.
I'm constantly reminding myself that we are in a season. That God knows just who and what we need. That there is a bigger picture. That He is holding us tightly in the palm of His hands. And I know that I know that I KNOW it's all true. It will work out. It always does. I'm just in that place. In the middle. Wanting to know the end. Wanting to feel that safety net. To know others. To be known and loved and to have lots of people...wondering if this is where we belong. That's it. Belonging.
Be a blessing.
