Sunday, July 22, 2012

no matter what

I've got some fun frivolous posts scheduled, but I just couldn't hit enter on those today.  My heart is so heavy from this latest shooting that I can't write about anything else.  Instead of pushing those feelings aside, I feel the need to type them out.  I'm sorry...I know you are probably tired of hearing about it too.

From the second I heard of the tragedy I had that sick, icky feeling in the pit of my stomach...just like we all probably did.  I've always internalized and taken on other peoples pain.  It's really hard for me to let it go.  Suddenly I'm in that movie theater terrified and confused.  I'm on the floor shaking with fear.  I'm the family member in the parking lot, screaming out in agony over my lost loved one.  Then I'm the mother of the killer...horrified and utterly distraught that my son could do something like this.  I can't even imagine what she's going through. 

It's so easy for me to put myself in other peoples shoes.  The one person I rarely relate to is the person who actually committed the crime.  It's beyond my comprehension and unfathomable.  When I think on these things I always come back to the reality that despite what happened God sent his son to die...even for this monster of a person.  His sin can be forgiven just like mine.  His debts can be paid.  His grace is sufficient even for him.  It's not where my mind wants to go.  I've got him strung up...and yet He loves.  He sees the sin.  He sees that hurting, misled sinner and He cares for him just as much as he cares for me.  How can that be?  Somehow in the midst of that revelation it brings me peace.  It reminds me that no matter what...

Have a blessed day.

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