Sunday, July 22, 2012

no matter what

I've got some fun frivolous posts scheduled, but I just couldn't hit enter on those today.  My heart is so heavy from this latest shooting that I can't write about anything else.  Instead of pushing those feelings aside, I feel the need to type them out.  I'm sorry...I know you are probably tired of hearing about it too.

From the second I heard of the tragedy I had that sick, icky feeling in the pit of my stomach...just like we all probably did.  I've always internalized and taken on other peoples pain.  It's really hard for me to let it go.  Suddenly I'm in that movie theater terrified and confused.  I'm on the floor shaking with fear.  I'm the family member in the parking lot, screaming out in agony over my lost loved one.  Then I'm the mother of the killer...horrified and utterly distraught that my son could do something like this.  I can't even imagine what she's going through. 

It's so easy for me to put myself in other peoples shoes.  The one person I rarely relate to is the person who actually committed the crime.  It's beyond my comprehension and unfathomable.  When I think on these things I always come back to the reality that despite what happened God sent his son to die...even for this monster of a person.  His sin can be forgiven just like mine.  His debts can be paid.  His grace is sufficient even for him.  It's not where my mind wants to go.  I've got him strung up...and yet He loves.  He sees the sin.  He sees that hurting, misled sinner and He cares for him just as much as he cares for me.  How can that be?  Somehow in the midst of that revelation it brings me peace.  It reminds me that no matter what...






Have a blessed day.

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37 comments:

  1. Well said, Becky. It is haunting me too.

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  2. I keep looking at his picture. I just don't understand. Didn't he fit in? Did he always feel like an outsider? Why did he hurt so badly that he had to hurt others? My heart aches for the families. For his family. Even for him. What happened to him to choose this violence.

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  3. I am having a really hard time with this latest tragedy. You see my son was a first responder. I can't get into detail but he spend the first day in the theater......not just the theater but #9 with all the victims. The next day at the apatment. I could see him on CNN. He went from his shirt to body gear and the helmet. When the explosions went off my heart was in my throat.
    I feel so bad for all involved. This will change them all forever, including my son. I wish I could tell the loved ones of the ones that passed that they had a gentle soul with them.
    But Becky, I refuse to even think of the shooter. I don't want to give him the time of day. I don't care to hear updates on him.
    I do know how you feel. I cried for days after 911. Same son was in the military. But I cried for the sadness of it all.
    (((((HUGS))))) and prayers.

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    1. Oh Debby I can't even imagine how close to home all of this is for you. Praying peace over you and your family. What a blessing your son was. Thank God for him!

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  4. We prayed for his salvation at church today ... it was rather a stunning moment.

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  5. And to Debby above ... I have been praying for those first responders and to know your son has a gentle heart ... just what was needed, but so hard for him. I continue to pray for him.

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  6. i think you're a griever like me. we don't just grieve for our loved ones, but we feel the energy of tragedies outside of our immediate worlds. we need grievers to balance out the parts of humanity that are wrought with hatred, evil, and corruption. i honor this sensitivity and believe it is a gift.

    smiles.

    michele

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  7. I wanted to hate this man and came very close. How can you even think of taking innocent lives, premeditated, carefully planned murders? I mourned those whose lives had been taken and was full of sorrow for their families who have to go on without them. Then I remembered sin is sin to God. I needed to pray for this man. I needed to ask God to bless him and pray that he comes to know the Lord. Easy to do? Absolutely not!! But that is what we are called to do.

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  8. Well said post. Thanks for giving a Biblical perspective. We can't understand this tragedy but God loves all involved and grieves to for the sin in our world.
    I have been glued to Fox News and CNN all weekend. Thee kinds of things cause us to reflect on what is really important, how fleeting life is and causes us to hug our loved ones more deeply.

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  9. I appreciate your depth, here. I've often said it's proof of my messed-up-edness that I want mercy for myself and judgment for so many others. I'm glad I'm not God. He does so much better at being God than I would.

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  10. This gives me chills,
    as just today,
    TODAY,
    I put the hardware
    on a piece that I had
    won from Tiffini's blog....
    Where I got to CHOOSE
    the saying ~ and this
    is what I chose:

    Always and
    FOREVER
    and no matter
    what.

    Yep, just hung it
    up. Now I'm seeing
    those words in a
    different way than
    the way I originally
    saw them.

    Thanks for opening
    my eyes to these words
    and to these thoughts.

    Love ya,
    xo Suzanne

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  11. Profound!Touching! but most of all, full of truth!!! My heart has been touched by your words! Hugs!

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  12. I have that same icky feeling in the pit in my stomach. I get it every time I hear of something tragic happening. I am sometimes so overcome with grief that it shocks me. Its a grief for all the victims their loved ones, the family of the monster who committed the act and even the monster. I wonder what happened to him to hurt so many. I can't bring myself to read about the victims for me it is to much. I pray for them and for everyone involved and some how that helps ease my grief.

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  13. I took my son to the movies last night and I felt uneasy. So many of the things we've always taken for granted and our feeling of safety is being chipped away more and more. Jesus do not tarry.

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  14. Know the feeling! Earlier this morning, a friend of mine died of a short battle with cancer leaving behind a husband and a 12 yr. old daughter. I know she knew the Lord and this is good for her....but, I have a heavy heart for her little girl!

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  15. I love this post, it is real. It has feeling. It has our heart felt sorrow mixed into it. thank you

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  16. Oh Becky you always say everything so eloquently. I do the same thing. It feels so personal to me too. We had gone to the movies that same night in Palm Springs. We saw all these people standing in line some dressed in costumes waiting for their movie to start. They were all having a good time. Taking pictures of each other, laughing, having a good time for sure so excited to see their movie. My husband and I even commented to each other much fun it looked like they were having. Then to wake up the next morning to the horror of what had happened to people just like those we had seen the night before I too felt sick to my stomach. I know God is sovereign that's the only way I can wrap my head around these things. Hugs, Valerie.

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  17. I am so greatful I am not alone in all of the grief and sadness, I take on others pain and grieve so deeply my husband has such. Hard time understanding , I am greatful so so greatful for you.

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  18. Oh sweetie I thought about it a LOT today... I can't believe it either.

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  19. Very well said. I can't wrap my brain around Jesus's love that reaches beyond what we do. It's amazing.

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  20. Every time I've taken a spiritual gifts test, I end up with Mercy....all by itself. Everything else barely registers. But what's confusing, is how I'm supposed to use it here and for other times like this. Thank you for mentioning the mom. I will pray for her and her broken heart :(.

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    1. I think those with the gifts of mercy are called to pray. What an awesome use of all those emotions.

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  21. Hugs to you Becky and your big heart. xo

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  22. I think you summed up how I have been feeling. I have been praying so much about all of this. I just don't understand how someone could do this.

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  23. what beautiful words that exude the kind of love and grace that only Christ can give to us.
    i'm with you 100%.
    xo

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  24. Thanks for the God reality check. Who am I to judge? I have my own sins. And in the end, a sin is a sin...whether it is something that {I think} is minor, or something major {again, in my opinion} like the devastating acts of this shooter. Jesus died on the cross for any and all sins. Big or small. Simple or not. My sins put Jesus on that cross just as much as the sins of the shooter did. Thanks for reminding us to pray for the shooter, as we are praying for all the victims and their families. :)

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  25. I was just talking to Bruce after seeing his father and what he must be going though and must be blaming his self and filled with guilt as a parent. I pray that they and we all can forgive. Have a peaceful day.

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  26. I've been really struggling with how do his parents love their child through this horrific thing?! But then I am reminded that God loves us through all of our horrificness, to Him... this is just as sinful as anything else. So hard to think the way God does... there is no way we ever could. We must let go of the anger and hatred or any other ill feelings we may feel for this person and trust that God has this.

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  27. you're so right...his sin is not beyond forgiveness. hard to imagine which is one more reason I'm glad God's grace is larger than my grasp of it.

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  28. I completely understand where you're coming. It's only human instinct to think, "How could someone do this? Why? Why those people?" It's also human instinct to have feelings of disdain, detest, loathing, and disgust. From a totally different standpoint/perspective - mental health is becoming a larger than life problem in the US and unfortunately, he is at the prime age in which many serious mental health issues afflict young adults. I write this because I myself have a family member that has suffered from a very similar situation. I am by no means saying "not guilty, pleads insanity" is the band-aid that should be covering up this problem, but that's just what is being done. Mental health is falling under the radar and just like heart disease or any other condition that develops over time, it can't be over-looked. We need to push for early detection of these things. How can God use me? As a vessel pushing for early detection to help those in need. Becky, you possess such a wonderful quality in being able to identify, sympathize, and empathize with those struggling with everyday burdens.

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  29. ugh...it's hard to imagine that God sees no difference to sin. we think it should be categorized, but it's just not. i don't get why people are so whacked out, but thankfully I don't need to.

    xo,
    a

    ps: cute button :)

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  30. It has just hit me today.....the ache in my heart that I have for his mother and what she must be going through....remembering the little one that she rocked and cared for......As the mom of a son, I just can't imagine her grief. It overwhelms me.

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  31. I agree with you. I thought of his poor family. So sad. This fallen world is hard to live in sometimes with Jesus. Can you even imagine how people live in it without him?

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  32. So well said, Becky. My husband and I were talking about seeing the murderer on TV today in the courtroom. We could see the strange looks he had on his face, and we could tell that Satan was using him. In him. Controlling him. It was scary. We're praying for God to comfort those whose lives were tragically affected by this man's actions, but also for his soul to be delivered from Satan's hold.

    xoxo laurie

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  33. What a wonderful post, Becky. You are truly a woman with a gift for words.

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Thanks for taking a minute to share your thoughts. I love hearing what YOU have to say:)

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