I had my first Virginia hair appointment yesterday. The lady did a wonderful job. She really did, but I had to fight back tears the entire time. I loved my Brie. She wasn't just my hair lady she was my friend. We had history. Something that I don't have with a single soul here. I know it's coming. I know God will provide...that it's a process. Blah, blah, blah!!!! I am constantly pep talking myself. I do that. Come on Becky...you can do it, you can do it! But man it's hard until that day happens.
It's the sense of belonging that's missed the most. Where do I fit in? Where are the other women in my season of life? Is there anyone here who's a stay at home mom? Who lives within a 10 mile radius?? Who has kids my age? Who can relate with me regarding my faith etc...? I could be patient if I knew they existed, but what if they don't? Maybe God wants to broaden my circle and get me out of my comfort zone. I don't know. I just want some commonality.
I called someone today, a complete stranger and actually broke down and cried on the phone. She's probably thinking whoa girl calm down. Since I announced our move to Richmond I've gotten a lot of emails from women in the area. I feel so blessed that these "strangers" have reached out to me. Even though it's comforting to know they exist and they are here I still have to reach out and make that move. It's scary. I don't know these women at all and yet they know my entire life story.
A song just came on the radio. It's called finally home by Mercy Me. It hit me listening to the song that I'm not home. This world will never come close to what I will have when I finally get home to heaven. I can't expect it to feel right. It never will be. My sense of belonging should come from knowing my Savior. He is my dwelling place. He is my comforter, my provider...my deliverer. I just want a sliver of that feeling now...in this place. Is that too much to ask?
Have a blessed day.
70 comments so far...:
Becky, I'm sorry you are so down! I know that we all feel for you and wish you the best! I know it will be ok! You have a beautiful family who adores you. Keep them and the lord in your heart always and this will pass! Step out of that comfort zone and meet some of these women who are reaching out. It will help, I promise! You can do it, you are amazing!! Hugs from Conroe, TX!
I cannot even begin to feel like I know what you are going through. But....in my eyes....your home IS with you. It's your family. Stay strong. We are praying for you....all of us strangers.
I'm so sorry you are hurting.
I pray for you.
I'll be praying that God blesses you with wonderful new relationships in His perfect timing!
*hugs*
*hugs*
And more *hugs*!
I have been there. When we moved here I swear I cried for a year. It gets better and YOU WILL find beautiful friends. I'm going to call you right now. Love you.
amen girl! we moved two times out of state where we did not know ONE person in 1 1/2 years. it takes time to adjust. God ALWAYS provides what we need when we need it! hang in there!
we are now back in our home state and i'm having a terrible time adjusting! go figure!
love~
Oh honey, thinking of you and sending lots of love....good for you for sharing xx
With tears in my eyes as I hurt for you, I am praying.
Oh Becky, you touched my heart deeply and I can honestly say I know how you feel. Really. My husband and I made a move 6 years ago from a place we lived and raised our children for 27 years. I still long for my house and friends. I do promise that you will meet women who will become dear friends and your home and surroundings will feel right for this time in your life. It takes time tho. Also...I honestly thought I was the only one who felt where ever I am/live, it doesn't feel "like home"! and really knowing I am missing my heavenly home! Becky you confirmed my testimony that Jesus lives and we shall return someday! I love ya Becky! Thanks for writing your true feelings here because you do touch hearts!
Hugs,
Maryjane
hugs, Becky. I'll be praying for you. Hang in there. xo
I feel your pain, girl, and I'm so sorry you are going through it. I feel alone in the place I live even though I've been here for 11 years now. I have gotten more love from the blogosphere than I have from my physical neighbors, and that prompted me to have a tiny little itty-bitty pity party and write this post a few weeks ago:
http://www.beautyredux.com/2011/06/not-of-this-world.html.
Things will get better! But until they do, I will pray for you. :)
I second everything everybody else has already said.
It's a process...that takes time...but for now, all of us in blogland are a mere click away!
Hugs!
love what you wrote at the end!
Sometimes there just aren't words!
I pray the lord provides a 'someone' for you! A sholder for you!
xo
Rebecca
Big, BIG hugs sweet Becky. I will continue to pray for peace, comfort and NEW FRIENDS that will become your support system. In the end, everything will be ok, if things aren't ok, then its not the end. Whenever I am feeling down or faced with a "Storm" in life, I think of this Casting Crown song "Praise You In This Storm" specifically this line
"As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away"
God is good. All the time, my friend. He never gives us more than we can handle.
No Becky, it's not too much to ask. And though this is not our home, it helps to have traveling companions that are like minded and like hearted.
I pray God brings to you just that person. And in the meanwhile (and after) keep pouring out your heart to him...he knows the pain you are enduring.
Grace and peace,
Mary
I get it, I really do.
I don't feel like I have any real friends in our new location, either.
But I love what you've reminded of me of here, that this world most certainly is not my home. Good stuff for tough times, thank you, friend.
Praying for you always. :-)
XO,
Anne
Thrift-shopping day!!! I found a place with $1 belts!!!
Becky, When you were on the way to your new home, I wrote and told you the story our pastor told about feeding the right wolf. Go back and read that. It helped me immensely and hopefully it will help you too. I know what you are going through is very difficult, but try to remember there are way worse things that could be happening. If you can't find the story email me - jdnels37@yahoo.com - and I'll send it to you again.
{hugs}
Uggh, Becky, I don't know what it is that makes your words touch my heart so much, to feel such a strong sense of your struggle. Maybe it is because our girls are practically the same age, maybe, even though I have lived here for 12 years I am still searching for what you are. My peeps are far too. I have friends here, but I need to be the real me more with more people. Know you are not alone in your struggle. Also know that the strength of your faith is reaching out and helping me in my faith journey. Keep this up and I might have to drive the six hours or so to VA and take you out to dinner! You will find your way, there is a purpose in your struggle and if anyone can find that purpose it is your family. With caring, Laura
I wish I could make you feel better. I've never felt what you're feeling. Every move was an adventure. An opportunity for new places, new friends, new opportunities. The only place I ever moved that I didn't like was where I am now. But, this world is not my home. :) maranatha.
I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I'm thinking of you!
praying. . . just praying. you've already told yourself all the right words.
hang tight to Him.
steph
One moment at a time. You'll look back at this post a few years from now and smile at how God ended up working it all out. God is always our source of strenghth whenever we get to that place of not being able to do it ourselves. Seek Him first (as I'm sure you are) and all these things will be added unto you.
Sometimes the most important part about moving is not the discovery of a new place or its people, but the true gift is in discovering a little bit about yourself! I wish you all the best as you find yourself in your new place!
Kat :)
i totally feel you girl. you know that. i'm so desperate to feel 'at home' as well - we've moved 4 times in our 10 yrs of marriage. often, just as someplace had begun to feel homey and we were invested in some great friendships, it was time to move on. we still don't know for sure if MN will be our forever home so i've also been growing in identifying that i won't feel completely home apart from jesus especially while my physical body is dwelling here on earth.
i do believe we are granted shadows, glimpses, and hope of what is to come here on earth....hang in there - keep reaching out and before you know it, people will be reaching right back. you've got such a beautiful engaging and authentic spirit i know you're bound to connect with some fantastic gals who will so appreciate that. :)
have you found a potential church to invest in? getting connected there will go a long way to help you in meeting like-minded 'gospel' friends.
praying for you!
-h
Sending more prayers for comfort your way.
I can understand missing all the creature comforts of "home".
I've been doing research to find a new hairdresser.
I'll be driving about 40 minutes to a town that appears to have an actual salon that I think I'll be comfortable in, I'm kinda picky about where I get my hair done.
I told Bud the other day that I think in my mind I feel like we are on vacation, I'm just wondering when we will head back to Austin.
I know that we aren't going back and maybe what I need is something that we are working hard at finding. A church home. We've tried 2 churches that were filled with wonderful people, but we didn't feel at it was our fit. This week we will go to the base's non-denomination service and pray that God helps us find where he needs us.
In the mean time I'll pray for you and your adjustments if you will do the same for me? Deal?
Sending another warm hug your way!
Be Blessed,
Biz
Hello! Wow - I kind of feel like I have written this. Albeit I am in Australia - God moved our family to a different part of our state - where we knew no-one. The 'honeymoon' period is over, and lonliness as settled in. I have started to hibernate a bit, so now am making an effort to get out a bit more.
I follow a blog of a wonderful Christian lady in Richmond, you may have heard of her - She is a stay at home Mum (Mom) too... Adeye @ http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/
Sending love and blessings across the world to you... Rach xx
"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world. ~CS Lewis
you're right...we're not home, but I will continue to pray that God gives you a friend or two and a church that can help you to bloom where you're planted there in Richmond.
i'm thinking that when you find your church family you will start to sink some rootlets into your virginia earth...so sorry for the untethered feelings of loneliness...i have been in that place and it's weepy for sure...hoping that very soon (maybe even tomorrow) a new face will become a friendly one.
alison
Now I'm worried. Maybe it could help to think of this change as an oportunity to build new things around you and your family, think about your daughters and how they need you to be strong and hopeful. Live your present and trust in HIS plan already, you talked to us about living in the present, remember?
oh, my dear becky... i felt this way last summer, moving here to my hubby's hometown. i pray God will fill in the holes, will make house feel like home, will let you know he is so close, and so in love with you. xo
Becky, you're doing great! All of you are. It IS a process, but it will all come together for you in time. God is right there beside you, holding your hand through this anxious and unsettled time. He's got some awesome friends for you in mind. You'll see. xx
If you lived in my neighborhood I would have lunch with you and we would chat and get to know each other. Since I don't live near you I can pray you find someone to 'heal' your hearts hurt. Did you ever meet the lady who was a neighbor who had Christian music on in her car? I guess you might have to make an effort but if you are like me, I don't. I stay in my place and hibernate. With kids in school you might find some friends soon. I will pray that you will. take care
becky, i so get you. hang in there. i long for my home, too... in CA. it hurts. especially when it's hard to find familiarity. i'm praying for you. when we don't feel comfortable here on this earth i think it urges us to long for our heavenly home.
Sending you SO MUCH LOVE, Becks!! Let this draw you into the only arms that can really help. And I promise, it will get better. It WILL.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ahh sweetie ~ I feel so bad that you are feeling so displaced. Sending you a big hug and know that things will get better. xo
Hang in there it does get better.
Hi sweet Becky, I wish I were closer to you to give you a big hug. I know that's what you need right now. I want you to know that I only know you through blogland, but I do pray for you. Sisters in Christ can do that for each other without ever having met (pretty cool, huh). Give yourself some time. Let yourself hurt and miss those special people. Try not to rush all of this. I know you know that it will take time, but try to believe what you are telling yourself. I can tell you're very likeable and make friends easy, so friends are going to come, probably when you least expect it. Take care sweetie. Know that lots of us are praying for you and your family. xoxo
So, so sorry, but as someone else stated, when you find a church home, things will likely begin to feel "more like home." Church is just a great connection and a place to find good friends. I look forward to hearing how things are beginning to "feel like home." Hugs!
ugh! sweet thing, i'm sorry you're homesick. God's got you out of your comfort zone for a reason. you ARE there for a reason. you will make connections. you will...
Hi Becky, I follow your blog from time to time. I'm so sorry you are so homesick. I'm from Virginia - grew up there & went to college. Once the dust settles, I know you'll love it! You have Charlottesville to the west and Williamsburg to the east....so much history, wonderful shopping, wineries, hiking, etc...
My best friend lives in Richmond on the southside in Chester. She loves it there! I hope you soon will, too. ;)
-Thais (Virginian, now living in Texas!)
I am so with you here, I had a nice cry session the other night. I have no advice cuz I dont' know what to do either :( Sorry, your not alone. My 4 year old keeps saying she wants to go "home", (back to our farm in oregon) she wants the green house with the swimming pool and the cows. It BREAKS my heart, we can never go back, I say to her. ugh! that coffee I had?? ya, not so good. But like you said our home is with Jesus and we can take comfort in Him and I cannot wait to get to my real home and while I"m here I'm thanking Him for all I have, maybe that is where we can find comfort, we are truly blessed, have all our needs and more than enough wants. Thank you Jesus!
wishing I didn't live all the way down in South GA so I could just march up to your door and give you a big ol' hug!!!
I will keep on praying, praying for peace to wash over you, praying for your newest friend to find you today, praying for that calm, the knowing that all will be okay, that reassurance to find you. (((HUGS)))
Hi Becky,
I don't usually comment but felt I needed to today. I have been where you are, we moved several times in the first 15 years of our marriage and while it was exciting for the new, once I got settled, it wasn't so great. Anxiety and depression would always set in. You will be okay. It will feel like home, God has great plans for you and your family because He took you there. But you are right, I was just telling my husband the other day that we live on this earth like this is IT....but it's temporary and we tend to forget that. You have a beautiful faith Becky and you know who you are in Christ. That in itself is a gift my friend.
It WILL get better - because you're you :-). Sending thoughts, prayers, and hugs your way.
Awww, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. It has to be so hard. Hang in there, it WILL get better and you have SO many of us who care and who are praying you through this. You're loved!
XOXO,
Angie from Ohio
Oh sweet Becky,
I understand this feeling more than you will ever know and it does get better. Just know that it does take time, but one day you will smile and not know why and get tickled because of it. I had not moved but walked away from everything relational and my guy of 17 years. You know this already. I was lonely, nothing looked or tasted the same. I missed the places I used to go as a party of two, my favorite restaurant we frequented weekly, I missed my church, my grocery store, my gym, my movie theatre, the people I had known for so very long...17 years to be exact. Tears fell and heartbreak happened as if just a natural part of my day...at times they do still. But daily just promised myself to keep my eyes on God and my peace in him. I know he probably wondered some days if I trusted where he was taking me...sometimes I did not, wink! But I kept hope that He would stand with me in my storm and that he would bring in the new, recover joy that is unshakable and right people and over this last long year he has done just that. I realize it had to be Christ that brought in the right peeps to change my lonely to sustainable faith and truth, but found all along that God was right there...yep, right there my beautiful friend. He deserves the glory. I changed my heart to look at everything as if I was tasting something wonderful for the first time, as if I was on a long vacation where everything was new for but a moment, and new He was there for me when everything felt lost. I knew he was my consistant and moved with my heart. He taught me how to laugh alone, dine alone, work alone, live alone, how to trust and walk with Him step by step. Please know you can always call me Becky. Know I undertand and will rally you along the way back to a heart that is full. And you will get there to full joy again and a sense of solid in your new home that feels natural. Slowly you will watch it unfold and not take a moment for granted as you see God bloom amazing in your heart. Know you are loved by many. ps...you are closer to GA now...wanna come visit? Know my home is always open to you and your family! Always girlie. :)
Bright smiles to you my friend!
So many spelling errors in my words above.., Oh my goodness, typing on an iPhone is always an adventure to the final outcome! Or, for me atleast, wink! I have to giggle and hope you got my gist above and true heart intentions. :)
i still think you're one of the bravest women i know of right now. be strong. hang tough. and get the surfboard.
If you just think of it as an adventure {like we are doing...} then all is right in the world. Like you....we have no friends yet.....but i wouldn't trade it for anything. I realize yours is a permanent move....and ours is a one year thing....but hang tight girl....
if you need to call me.....you can;-)) though i'm 6 hours earlier here.
oh my goodness. Becky. Hang on! I don't know if you remember me...you have so many comments...but I told you how I went through much of the same when I moved to where I now live four years ago. Well, I drive TWO HOURS AND FIFTEEN MINUTES ONE WAY to get my hair done by my Glenna. I've tried...two other women where I live now...but, not the same. And, I always see friend or family when I go to get my hair done...going home once every two months is not a bad thing. (she says almost four years later) I've tried to imagine that I am states away and cannot drive the two hours and fifteen mintutes each way but I am not states away and I can drive the two hours and fifteen minutes.
(are you referring to the song "this world is not my home, I'm just a passing through...my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue...the angels beacon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this old world anymore...I love that song.)
Keep your chin up...we love you! Cheryl
I think you are there with a purpose. It just hasn't revealed itself yet. Becky, this must be unbelievably difficult...try this: everytime you think of a negative...try to match it with a positive. You could even keep a little; "positive thoughts" journal. Every night before you sleep, instead of feeling the burden of your sadness, write down any positive thought that came from the day...I think at the end of the week you would be shocked that there are more happy things happening than you think..sometimes fear and missing clog our reality. smiles from massachusetts
Hi Becky, I'm a pretty new reader of your blog. I came in around the move. Thanks for pouring out yourself to others. You have no idea who's going through the same things. It will get better, don't think for one second that God's going to leave you hanging. I'm praying for you, I know it's hard....you've got me crying and I don't even know you.
Becky--oh lady, you are not alone; it is so tough to move far from home. Part of the reason it is harder for you now is because you might be in a bit of a "culture shock" phase. Check out this article, I know you aren't an expat-but a move across country (I've done that too-MN to NJ) is a HUGE move. http://www.expatcoach.se/the-expatriate-adjustment-cycle/
It probably won't all apply, but maybe it will help it make a bit more sense. :-) Keeping you in my thoughts. The hardest thing to do is get "out there" but , it is also the best thing to help you get settled in, at least that is what I have found.
Oh Becky, I am so sorry that your having such a hard time. What your going through is very normal. Moving to a new home, new state and not knowing anyone is very difficult. Just take it one one day at a time one step at a time. I have lots of faith that it is going to work out for you and your family. Sending hugs and prayers from NH.
Mary
Ah, sweet Becky . . . what you are feeling is all normal and so so understandable. I wish it was easier and faster, for sure.
Fondly,
Glenda
You are loved and prayed for.
And not alone...
i'm sorry, becky, and i love you. i will pray for that small taste of home right now, that glimmer of what lies in store.
I'm praying for you and yours. Praying for an end to the tears and the loneliness and that this season passes quickly and you find peace and "home"
HI Becky~ sure wish I could just give you a hug! I remember these feelings....it IS hard. After staying home and watching Little House on the Prairie reruns for what seemed like weeks~ I decided to take a peek at the newspaper and pick out an ad to a shop to go to. I figured "they need me as a customer" and I needed to feel needed. So, I chose an ad for a jewerly and accessory shop. I hopped in the car and decided that I was not only going to go there but I was going to eat lunch someplace too. Well I got to the shop and the owner was there working~ it was just the two of us. SHe asked if I needed any help and I proceeded to tell her I was new in town. The conversation just flowed and I remember her telling me that it would take me about 3 years to settle in.
My first thought was...ugh. Not what I needed to hear but at least I made some conversation with someone and felt it was a HUGE step. My appetite flew out the window.
Anyway turns out she was right. Three years goes by so fast but I look back on it all and in that time I opened a business that I never thought I'd do and said ALOT of prayers. You are on the right track my friend. Everyday gets you closer to feeling "at home". Change is scary. BUT...try to count your blessings and enjoy some of the different things that each day brings that you didn't have in your old house. Start with the letter A and work your way thru the alphabet. Sometimes it even makes you crack a smile.
Here's that hug ((((((( ))))))))!!!!
Beth
Oh, Becky....my heart breaks for you. I can so hear the pain and longing in your voice, sweetie. I just want to give you a big {HUG} right now and let you cry your heart out on my shoulder. Instead, I will pray for you and pray that you will remember that God placed you there for a reason. A good reason. A blessing of a reason - and it just remains to be seen yet. Hang in there, girlie. He's listening to you and knows exactly how your heart is hurting right now. Stay strong and don't feel weird about reaching out! There are alot of gals out there who are in line to be a good friend to you via God's plan. ♥
xoxo laurie
What an incredible support group you have! May you feel blessed and loved by the support and prayers that are headed your way.
You are special, unique and beautiful. May you feel peace as you journey down this path.
My heart breaks for you, I know being in a new place is hard it will get better and easier:O) Sending huugs to you and saying prayers.
Oh, Becky, I know these feelings well. I have lived in Charlotte 4 years and I still have days like this...you are right! This isn't our home. This is beautiful, raw + honest. I hope our paths cross in real life one day.
It is such an odd thing, having people know your life when you don't know theirs. I run into that with some of B's extended family. Apparently a lot of them read my blog and they know me and it feels odd sometimes.
I just started checking out your blog. It's great! Moving to a new place can be very difficult. Its hard to adjust to changes but I assure you that you will! This has happened to me too! I missed family and friends and sometimes would feel like I just wanted to repack and move back! But I got over my fears, gave the new place a chance and eventually embraced a new beginning in a new location. The key is to keep busy! Once you get out and about you will meet more people especially since you have two kids. I find that I meet a lot of people through my daughter(sports, school, friend's parents, etc.).
Things will come together, I just know it.
I recently made a move across country and have been feeling the exact same things as you. The groceries stores aren't the same and everything is so different. Reading your post made me feel that I was not the only one not loving everything. I hope you find a good friend soon. I hope things get better. I wish change was better but I am glad we have our families to lean on. Thanks for your words.
I am remembering our move to Montana two years ago and your comforting words... a story about a note on your car at the park? Ring a bell? As you told me, it gets better with time. You will find your people and you will be known. Of course, you know this, but it doesn't make it less hard. And slowly the grocery store will be the one you can travel through blindfolded and a lovely mama somewhere close will know just exactly how blessed she is to call you friend.
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