Hmmm to post or not to post...that is the question. Do you ever hover over the publish button and think do I want to reveal this?? I don't want to be a Debbie Downer...no one wants to read depressing stuff, but it's what's on my heart...so I guess I should share. I've mentioned before that every winter I get depressed. I think it even started when I was a child. I had a "nervous stomach". I spent hours in the nurses station at school and was even admitted to the hospital for testing. They never found anything wrong with me and just attributed it to worry and nerves. But now as I think back I believe it was nerves, and depression.
Every year for as long as I can remember when the days grow short and the cold sets in I feel a blanket of despair wash over me. I just have this sadness in my spirit...there is no rhyme or reason to it. There is nothing for me to be sad about...it just comes and it sits on me, heavy and unmoving. In the past I've taken medicine and it helped a little, but for some reason it is "my thing" I have to work through every year.
I started my blog almost a year ago and one of the main reasons I pursued it was to distract me from winter and preoccupy my time, and it helped a lot. I didn't struggle much last year at all. Thinking of posts and commenting on other blogs gave me purpose and I think that is a key factor for me...purpose. There is a little guilt for me in feeling depressed. I think as a Christian I feel I should just be able to pray about it and cast my care at His feet and all should be well. It's just not that easy. When I'm blue I pull away from everything and everyone. I don't have anything clever or funny to say. The pain leaks out through whining, complaining, and lethargy.
My mom told me to blog more, to push through it...and I will, if I have something to say. I'm going to look for joy in the small things. That is my goal...to search out joy, peace, happiness and to share it with you. I think when we seek out those things they are sure to find us:) So that's my story.
Do any of you get the winter blues?
How do you combat your depression?
Have a blessed day.
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