Friday, August 10, 2012

just like that

When honey and I were first married my dad had open heart surgery.  It was major.  It was a quintuple bypass and a valve replacement. Things didn't go as planned and I'll never forget the call for all of us to come up to the hospital.  He had congestive heart failure and we all needed to be there.  I remember like yesteday that panicked sick feeling and thinking noooo this can't be dad can't die.  I don't have kids yet.  He won't know them.  He HAS to know them and vice versa.

That day my mom and I snuck away, and went down to the hospital chapel, and we knelt on our knees with our heads buried onto those pews and we pleaded for God to spare him.  We warred with the heavenlies that day and I believe our prayers were answered.  He miraculously pulled through.  I've always felt that he's been living on borrowed time ever since.

Apparently during surgery a stitch was pulled too tightly causing a tiny little hole in my dad's heart.  He gets it monitored every 6 months.  He's been living with a heart that only pumps at 20% for several years.  Well they just got the results of the most recent test and it's declined.  It's now at 15%.

Mom called me crying and scared, and just like that a seed of worry and fear started to grow.  Just like that I immediately started to think about all the what if'sWhat if he can't walk eventually and needs oxygen??  You don't know my dad.  He's stubborn and proud.  Strong.  His greatest fear is to ever need help or appear frail.  That would do him in. What if he dies?  I can't even wrap my brain around that.  I need my daddy.  Can't picture life without my dad in it.  What about mom...what will she do?  Where will she live?  How will anything ever be normal again??  Why is life so hard.

I think the most difficult part of going through any stressful event is the complete lack of control.  We can't make things better.  We can't predict the future.  We can't keep our loved ones from pain and suffering.  All we can do is pray.  We can leave it at the feet of the One who loves us and trust that He will provide, He WILL give us what we need...when we need it.  I would love it if you joined my family in praying for my daddy.  We would really appreciate it!

Have a blessed day.

710.  being able to dump my burden on the One who can carry it
711. borrowed time
712.  that my kids know their grandpa
713.  a love that nothing will separate
714.  having a good Godly man for a daddy

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