So we calmly explained to her how perfect she is, that she doesn't need to worry about her weight at all. That she is actually growing and needs to gain weight to someday be big and tall like her momma. We stressed how we watch what we eat and exercise only to be healthy. Of course the whole time I'm telling her this I'm thinking is this my fault? Has she heard her dad and I talking too much about our "eat clean" lifestyle?? We've let her watch The Biggest Loser and Losing it with Jillian. Have those shows brain washed her little mind??
Needless to say we've hidden the scale and decided not to allow any more Biggest Loser. Our conversations and discussions will definitely be more guarded. I read on a medical website that you shouldn't make your child clean their plate. The parents decide the menu and the child decides the portion size. She's always been a fussy eater and we've been known to make her sit there and clean her plate. Eating issues are about control. She's not underweight and up until now we didn't know she ever thought about any of that.
I know she's fine, but it's a scary wake up call. The last thing I want is for my girls to ever think they are less than. At church this week I saw this quote and it made me think. It said... if you don't pray for your children who will? It moved me then and it really moves me now. I need to be more diligent in praying over their hearts and minds. They are so easily influenced and I am not the only one doing the influencing. Just had to share.
Thanks for listening.
I'll join you in a prayer for her, I have a 6 yr old too and often feel quilty for the comments regaurding self-image I make in front of her. That's about the age my own battle started...thank you for the crucial reminder in sharing this post! God Bless, mandy
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you need to have a talk with her when she isn't upset. A talk about the facts. Things like muscle weighs more than fat. What is a healthy weight for her age. And then ask her why she decided she needed to lose three pounds. That is pretty specific. Where did that come from? The goal is always healthy eating. Putting the good stuff in so that our bodies work the best that they can. People end up on shows like the Biggest Loser because they don't eat good food, they eat way too much food, and they don't exercise. It sounds like it's time to talk about healthy living in general. Of course, as this conversation proceeds she will be getting lots of positive reinforcement about all of the things that she is already doing right. That is not to say that prayer isn't good, too. But, some positive talk will go a long way. I am going to find a video on youtube and post the address for you. It isn't about weight per se... well you will see what I mean.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and the chicks. I'm upset too reading this, only because it breaks my heart. I admire the way you handled it with her. Scales are the worst. Hang in there sweetie, your an amazing Mom.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for your sweet girl, too. Some words that never enter our home are diet, fat, and ugly. We talk about eating healthy, exercising so our hearts stay healthy, etc. It sounds like you all are on the right track with not letting the girls watch the weightloss shows anymore. Good for you! Kids are so easily influenced by things of the world. We pray for our kids everyday that they will remember that God made their bodies perfect. Hugs to you and your sweet family!
ReplyDeleteit hurts so much when our kids hurt doesn't it? Sorry for this. I pray God will break this thought pattern for her.
ReplyDeleteHere is one of them:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U&feature=related
and this one is eye opening:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ytjTNX9cg0
As a chubby pre-teen to a grown woman thats struggled all of my life to lose weight permanently, my heart breaks to hear this - but I don't think it's as bad as you think - you are there for her, you caught this now, it's going to be ok. I think that going to Weight Watchers at 14 ruined me for good. My mentality is all messed up regarding food. Let your daughter eat when she's hungry, and stop when she doesn't want to eat. I worried about my nephew when he was younger, seemed like he never ate. He's almost 15 now and has a wonderful attitude towards food. Eats alot some days, hardly anything others. It's how God made us I truly believe. Thank God she has you. She is going to be fine.
ReplyDeleteThis hits so close to home, I have a post scheduled tomorrow about the photoshoot I did with a teenager, and how sensitive she was about her looks, and weight, when she was CLEARLY perfectly normal sized. It really makes you think, doesn't it? About the impact of things on our kids. We should earnestly be in prayer for them, about all things from the guarding of their minds, to their future spouses. It sure doesn't hurt. {hugs}
ReplyDeleteAhhh....poor lil' thing. I'm praying for ya'll! Praise the Lord that your lil' chicks have parents who seek to raise them up to be the women He wants them to be!!!
ReplyDelete: )
Julie M.
Oh, can Ruby just stay four forever? So worrisome. I love that quote at the end. Convicting!!
ReplyDeleteps- You look tres, tres fab with your Brazilian 'do!!
Oh poor thing :( My heart aches for her that she feels this way. Thanks for sharing this, as it is an amazing wake up call. My husband and I make way to many comments about our weight, exercise, etc. and often around our daughter. She is only 2 1/2..but truly a good wake up call that we need to keep these conversations between us, and quite honestly, he and I probably need to have a better attitude about the whole body image thing ourselves.
ReplyDeleteBut just eye opening to know how easily influenced those little ones are, and how we always need to be thinking about them. Sounds like you are doing everything right. She is lucky to have you.
WOW. Thank you for sharing this DEEP and PERSONAL trial! You just did EXACTLY what you could: talked, removed the scale, became conscious and I have no doubt you surrendered a bit of this to prayer, too! I am saying a prayer for you. At the age of two, I am still daunted by how much responsibility I have to nurture my little one's heart.
ReplyDeleteOh dear....don't fret!! she's got a terrific mother - and really...this is more for you than it is for her.......you see the potential problem but have addressed it like a loving mother :)
ReplyDeletehugs!!!!
xo+blessings,
Anne Marie
p.s. I didn't know you liked Ray Lamontagne!!! he's one of my favs!!!!!!! he even signed my CD :) just wanted to let you know ...
oh dear, that is not good. you are doing a great job as a mother!
ReplyDeletePraise God that she has you as a mother. The fact that she opened up to you is a wonderful, hopeful sign. It's gonna be ok. I will join you in prayer.
ReplyDeleteprayers sent your way.. this parenting thing just isn't black and white... me and hubs are constantly trying to take weight off the same time we are trying to beef up the boy and it's hard to balance it. but take heart God's listening and so is chicky so just have some heart to hearts when you see little things and it will be ok. really. it will.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you handled it very well! I am not a parent yet but as an educator, I see children (at age 4) already worrying about their clothes and hair. We've stopped weighing and measuring children for their memory books because those things are just too hard for them to understand at a young age, they can't understand why they weigh more or less than their friends. Unfortunately, the media is so inundated with images and influences~ half the time we aren't even aware of how it's affecting us, let alone children. Most of the 4 year olds I teach idolize Hannah Montana. I think lots of good communication and praising a child's abilities, social-emotional strengths, and special talents, rather than their looks, helps keep the focus off the superficial and onto matters of the heart and mind. Hang in there, your little Chick will be okay!! :)
ReplyDelete~michelle~
Our children are bombarded with so much, and by so many different avenues. You did what is most important, you heard her, and you took action.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that quote.. it moved me so deeply.
As I sit at my mac, my beautiful 11 yr old daughter is dancing around to her favourite tunes, I can see her reflected in the screen and I am convicted to pray for her more. Thank you for this post, it is great your daughter can share her fears, express them and talk to you and be comforted by you. Speaks volumes for your relationship. Glad to have discovered your blog.x
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness, my heart goes out to you. Believe in the power of prayer, and positive thinking. I can only imagine your shock when this happened. I am sure there must be a few books out there you can read. Worst case scenario, make an appointment with a counsellor and ask their advice? You're doing the right thing and are such an amazing mother. Don't ever doubt yourself or your intentions. You and your hubby will get this sorted out. *Hugs* You're wonderful!
ReplyDeletelove your heart for your children.
ReplyDeleteI have to know each night as I lay my head down after a long day that God's grace will cover over my children.
praying for your sweet girl today..
praying God covers her with his protection...
praying that He renews her mind..
praying that he gives you wisdom and discernment as you continue the talks with her about where these thoughts came from....
trusting with you that God is in control and that he uses all things to make himself known to her. what the enemy means for harm...God uses for good.
claiming all the promises of God with you today for your children.
What a scary thing to have happen. I feel you on the prayer thing. I recently bought Stormie's book, The Power of a Praying Parent and have been meeting with other moms weekly to pray for and over our kids. What a joy it is to come before the Father to intercede for our children. I don't know why I don't take advantage of that privilege more often!
ReplyDeleteAww Becky, parenting is the hardest thing in the world and it breaks us completely when we see our children with troubles no matter how big or small. You are great parents and we do what we can to guide our kids in the right direction. Unfortunetly there is the outside world and it is a place full of confusion and wrong ways for our kids. Trust in God and your abilities as a parent and He will guide you through with love and understanding. Hugs to you!!
ReplyDeleteI think you were totally right to remove the scale and to stop watching the show. Maybe just focusing on your healthy lifestyle choices making you and honey feel good rather than it being about weight control will help little chick.
ReplyDeleteI only have boys, but we've never focused on what they weigh even though lots of people around us make comments. I just try to make sure we dismiss the comments right in front of the boys, so they know they are perfectly healthy the way they are right now. They always fill out and then shoot up on us, so for a while they have little pot bellies. I know the pattern so it never concerns me because I know how we eat and move.
I hope you all get through this and you guys can adjust her thinking. Hugs to you all!!!
I was thinking about this and one good thing is she was crying so you were able to address it. That is such a good point ...I honestly hadn't thought about shows like the biggest loser and Jillian's show being an influence on the little ones. WOW. What an eye opener. Thank you for this post because I think we all needed it.
ReplyDeleteHave a pretty day,
Kristin
bless your sweet heart !!! I'm so glad that she at least TOLD you and didn't hide it and now you can't be on alert for the issue...whether it is or isn't one......I feel their pain though, all my life I've struggled with weight, as did my Mama. I only have boys, so I doubt we'll be looking at the scale much, LOL....which reminds me, I'm due for the grocery store again! LOL
ReplyDeleteThinking and praying for you and your girls!
Oh Becky, hard being a parent anymore. I can tell you (since I'm a Grandma)that each generation has to quell the fears of children. I watched with horror the newscasts of the 1960's. My brother was in VietNam and my parents would watch the evening news without fail. As disturbing as it was, it was the world we lived in. My parents showed strength in prayer and I learned to turn over the things that were impossible to God. Don't beat yourself up over watching shows that promote healthy living. Help her sort through how to reach that goal a little at a time. You are a great Mommy!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you handled it perfectly and thanks for sharing...it hit close to home, here.
ReplyDeleteWow! What a scary thing! But God is good in letting you hear that comment so early so you will be guarded and watch from now on. I hate what society can teach our kids, and I'm even seeing it in my five-year-old that I need to protect his heart and mind as best I can. Hang in there! You are a great mama. And thanks for sharing because it's a great reminder for all of us mama's.
ReplyDeletePraying..for you, your husband and for her. She's still so young and impressionable, that will be to your advantage as you work through this.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. This is such a difficult subject. I'm adding your family to my prayers. Isn't it scary that this is an issue - ever!?
ReplyDeleteYou handled it well. I know this is an issue in our modern, so-called "enlightened" society, where values are turning upside down. Children hear things when we aren't around; we can't control that. But we CAN control the media influences in our own homes. I humbly, prayerfully advise you to turn off the television. Prayer always works, but we need to do our part. "We are laborers WITH God." I Corinthians 3:9
ReplyDeleteThis is scary. I have a little girl myself, and I worry about things like this happening. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made by our creator - we just have to remember that.
ReplyDeleteoh wow... my daughter is 16, gorgeous, atheletic, intelligent and she still has selfesteem issues. It's aggravating b/c I want her to see her as I see her. I just have to keep praying she will one day move past her low selfesteem. You're doing what you should, praying being the most important thing. (((HUGS))) to you!!
ReplyDeleteWow that is scary and heart wrenching. I think I'd see a licensed counsellor to be sure that there are no deeper issues or anything else that could stick with her. Unfortunately you are not alone and eating disorders do start in young girls. You have taken some good first steps. We always think we can handle things ourselves, it's the American way. But praise God she shared right now! Just pray about it. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
ReplyDeleteCoffee Bean over at The Righteous Buzz had an eating disorder if you want to talk to her.
Kid pain hurts, I can so relate to the BP and throwing up feelings.that's about it. You have something to add to your prayer list. Deliver them from evil.
oh sweet girl, I am trying to think of the right thing to say here...I think you did a wonderful job of expressing your concerns for her and telling her how beautiful she is just the way she is, as parents you can only do so much. Keep loving on her and it is good she told you, and didn't hide it I would be more concerned if she was hiding it, keep the communication open, even at 6~~ hang in there, xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI am sure that you were very scared about what your daughter said. So glad she shared her feelings with you so you can keep an eye on her. My 6 year old granddaughter had one of those silly band bracelets. I heard her say "fat and ugly" "sinny and pretty". I did talk to her in a round about way...explaining that I was not skinny. I also told her Mom what I heard. I didn't know what she would say. Mom was like you....really worried about it. We do need to pray for these little girls that are beginning to see the not so good things that are said and happen around there world. Hang in there MOm, you are doing a good job.
ReplyDeleteOOops....that should have said SKINNY. Oh my, I made it worse by saying sinny.
ReplyDeleteoh the enemy is such a jerk! going after our precious babies like that and twisting things and lying to them! I'm praying for little chick!! And I'm praying for my girls too!!! God is bigger than the enemy any day and we can pray together that the enemy be defeated in this right this very minute!! Don't worry my very dear friend! God is in control~!
ReplyDeleteOh goodness. Did you find out where this thought even came from? I don't think my kids even know what that means. My daughter is fighting food issues just like me. We don't say fat, diet or ugly in our house either. Some of my daughters friends that are in public schools tend to be more focused on their appearance and fashion and all that crap way too early on. They are only 8. You're doing a great job and thanks for sharing this with all of us.
ReplyDeleteJEN
Oh my -- it is so hard to be a parent, isn't it! Think it's a good idea to hide the scale and all the other actions you are taking are good ones. Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteJanet
I looked at her sweet picture as I scrolled down to leave a comment, she is sooo beautiful, and doesn't have anythinig to worry about. : ) I can't imagine how sad this situation made you feel, but remember that ALL parents are flawed...none of us raise our children perfectly. We wash them in prayer, we live diligently, and ask God to lead us though the millions of decisions we need to make for our kids and with our kids! It is only with His help that our kidos come out so great! : ) Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI fought this battle with one of my girls who is 21 now. She did not develop an eating disorder but she felt a lot of pressure to conform and even now when she shops she refuses to go up a size if something doesn't fit the way she wants. My husband and I were careful never to talk about weight issues in front of either daughter and we never had a scale in the house. I would catch her skipping meals sometimes and we would have to talk about how unhealthy that is. My daughter who struggled was not overweight, she was average and looked beautiful, which we made sure to let her know. There is just so much negative stuff in school, advertising, tv, movies - you just can't protect them from all of it. It's wonderful God allowed you to see the problem now so that you and your husband can begin working with her and openely talk about the issue. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteWow! Not to make light of the subject -but your post title is great. Caught me as very appropriate. ;)
ReplyDelete((sigh)) As a young, young gal, teen and now woman...I have always struggled with my weight. My husband has too.
Our kids are really little, and I've never voiced this to anyone before...but there are deep down fears that weight is going to be a real issue with our kid, too. Just naturally. Let alone pressures from others (ie. kids, society, etc.)
This is a hard line. A balance that is hard to "figure" out. And how to find that - Safely.
I think what's really cool is that you guys are realizing what's more important and getting to the heart of it. At such an impressionable age - your response will help to make or break it. It being the issue at hand.
I'll be praying for you, too. For discernment and peace.
(hugs)
~Bevy
Coming from one who had an eating disorder due to a father who told me I needed to lose weight shortly after the "marriage 15" happened, I can say that you responded really well to this. Knowing that your parents love you unconditionally for who and WHAT you are and how you look won't change that is huge in the long run. I struggled for a decade over that one conversation with my father, weighing every single thing I put in my mouth, recording every calorie even to the smallest and that's just the tip of the iceberg. It nearly killed me for ten years. A DECADE! Parents hold a huge amount of power in how a child feels about themselves- and obviously not just a child, but a grown 20 year old woman too.
ReplyDeleteLoving you friend and thinking of you. They sure watch us don't they... just the other day Ava said she looked fat in her dance costume and I jumped all over that. No talk like that in my house!! We are ALL beautiful no matter what the outer package is!! I hold fast to that one. She will be fine because you guys CARE.
As a mom to two girls, the fear of weight issues is near. God's grace has kept their opinions of their weight in check, but it is a struggle to make sure they are feeling comfortable with who they are created to be. . .I pray our Heavenly Father will bless your words so your daughters will know how beautiful they already are!
ReplyDeletethis is sooo stressful! praying for you, and your gal, because sometimes other people need to pray for your children too. That's what the church is for right?
ReplyDeleteyikes!! did you ask her why she felt that she needed to loose weight? the roots could come from somewhere or someone else!! I have a hard time with reality shows ~ even though I find them funny sometimes ~ I don't want my babies being influenced!! we are considering choppin cable and trading it for a membership at the local pool! =) This post is good for me to remember what I say about myself is being heard!! yikes! =) I need to pray more specifically for my babies too I think!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this so i too can pray on this... having 3 girls i worry so about eating issues. It scares me to death. I do and say all i can at home and buy the "clean food" it's the outside pressures that i pray they can keep at bay.
ReplyDeletexo,
LuLu
Awww Becky! I teared up with my heart hurting for little chick and for you and daddy. You are so right when you say if we don't pray for our children who will? In today's world, especially our children have the world shouting "you need to fit in this mold or you're nothing image messages from every direction. Even in Beth Moore's book I'm reading she talks about this generation with tv, cell phones, twitter, facebook and everything else you can even find online by accident, plus just the mean things others say makes it more difficult for them.
ReplyDeleteI remember how hubby and I used to pray for a hedge of angels to surround our girls each night and to surround our home. To some that may sound crazy but I believe it worked. I know it at least made the girls feel even safer and more protected reminding them that God had a special angel watching over them and the angel had friends!!!! I will say a prayer for wisdom for you and daddy and of course also for little chick.
Remember through all of this that YOU Becky are a good mother! It's easy to blame ourselves when there is no reason to.
Hugs,
Lee Ann
Kids today have so much stress put upon them at such a young age it's crazy! You are a fantastic Mom Becky and I know that Little Chick will be fine with your guidance and your prayers. xo
ReplyDeleteAwe, that's so hard. Thankfully you were nearby and could easily observe her struggle. Sounds like you responded in just the right way and are moving forward in wisdom. I'll pray for you and your sweet girls for sure. ;)
ReplyDeleteWow. I have an eight year old boy and I guess I never really think about that stuff. I don't remember being worried about weight either. Wow. Thats really shocking. I can only imagine how you felt when she said that. I'll have to remember that when I'm letting my kids watch certain shows that can really affect them or saying things in front of them that may affect them too. My prayers are with you. The good thing is that you caught on early. I get nervous about that stuff too. I trust you'll do good...you seem like a really good momma.
ReplyDeleteOh my heart aches for Little Chick...to think she's burdened by self-image already. I think you & your husband handled it really well:) As a mother myself of two daughters, I worry about how society's "image of the perfect woman, perfect body, etc" will affect them. I think it's important that they know that their value comes from more than what they wear or how they look. As upsetting as it must have been for you, how glad you must be that your Little Chick spoke her concerns out loud:) Hang in there, Mama...you're doing great!
ReplyDeleteGoor for you and your hubby.
ReplyDeleteWow, I can't even imagine worrying about my weight when I was 6 years old. Our modern culture has done such a number on our precious kiddos.
Praying for y'all. :-)
Love,
Anne
Becky, I wont write about what happened with your daughter the ther day, You got lots of responses and suggestions on what you can do. I will say that your girls are so very,very fortunate to have you and your husband as thier Mom and Dad. I will say a prayer for her but I just know that she is going to be okay. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteMary
Oh my, I don't have any advice. I'm just here to remind you that you are an amazing mom. You are. Poor little thing, she'll get past this and you will help her. She is going to be ok and so are you.
ReplyDeleteprayers to you, becky.
i love your mom's sweet words. what a blessing to be able to see the small seed in order to help weed it out.
ReplyDeleteWow, what a wake up call to all us mom's who struggle with weight and often express our frustrations in front of our children. I to am guilty of always complaining and talking about weight issues that I have been struggling with since childhood. I never want my daughter to deal with this, and thank you for posting this and reminding me to focus on my actions and speech around my children.
ReplyDeleteOh, Becky, my heart hurt reading this post. There is so much society pressure and it seems to affect girls younger and younger.
ReplyDeleteI love your sweet response to your precious girl.
Thanks for the reminder that kids always hear...
Becky,
ReplyDeleteI had eating disorders throughout high school and college and I still struggle with image issues. My daughter is nine and I've had similar experiences with her. It's so upsetting when this happens so young. You did such a good job of explaining the things she needed to hear. One other thing is to concentrate on praising her (and YOU) for things OTHER than weight loss. (That's been something really hard for me. If I gain a pound, I swear it ruins my day.) I think it's such a delicate balance with little ones, and I'll be praying for your little chick... that she knows how beautiful she is, inside AND out!
...after all, she has YOU for a mommy!